Annie’s Mailbox: Visit to parents not so peaceful

Dear Annie: I am close to my parents, and my husband and I love to visit them when we’re in town. We always stay in their home, not only because it is convenient for us, but because I know my mother would be upset if we didn’t.

The problem is my sister and her children. While we are at my parents’ house, she drops the kids off each morning, and they stay until nearly midnight (even on school nights). My sister does not work outside the home. She simply wants the time for herself.

One of the children plays a video game, loudly, all hours of the day. He screams obscenities at the TV and will not respond to our kind insistence that he turn down the volume. I have tried gently broaching this topic with my mother, to no avail. We have trouble falling asleep at night, as we have to listen to the sound of gunfire and obscenities from the guest room.

Is there a kind way to tell my mother that we would like to have child-free time without the grandchildren present? Is this overstepping our role as houseguests? – Just Want Peace and Quiet

Dear Peace and Quiet: You are not overstepping to want a good night’s sleep, but you have no say over Mom’s rules, such as they are. We are sure Mom loves having you, but she is not likely to make waves with your sister, who lives closer and with whom she needs to have a good relationship. You will lose that battle.

Tell your mother you understand why she indulges the grandchildren, but from now on, you will spend at least one or two nights at a hotel in order to rest and will visit her during the day. Please be nice about it. Mom has enough aggravation. We feel sorry for her and especially for those kids, who are growing up with so little parental guidance. Your sister could benefit from some parenting classes, but it is unlikely that she will take advice from you.