Arrow-right Camera
Subscribe now

This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

The Slice: This might be a case of ‘do ask, do tell’

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist. (The Spokesman-Review)

So it turns that, when trying to fix someone up with a potential dating partner, it helps to know the sexual orientation of all parties concerned.

Let’s move on.

In the matter of obscene phone calls: My friend Florence Young shared a memory.

“Awakened from a sound sleep in the wee hours of the morning by the ringing telephone, I answered it, ‘Hello.’ I listened and then, groggy with sleep, said, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t hear what you said. Could you repeat that?’

“I listened again, hung up the phone and turned over to go back to sleep. My husband asked me, ‘Who was that?’ ”

Florence explained that it had been an obscene call.

“He raised up on his elbow to look at me and said, astonished, ‘And you asked him to repeat it?’

“More than 30 years later, I’m not allowed to forget that call.”

How family expressions get started: “Many years ago there was an insurance business located on near North Division called simply, Insurance Mart,” wrote South Hill resident Sue Chapin. “They had a reader board outside with those plastic changeable letters that never changed, they just progressively fell off leaving our family saying: ‘Rive arful.’ ”

Says it all, doesn’t it?

“I assume the original message was ‘Drive carefully,’ but that’s just a guess.

“Rive arful lives on.”

Wardrobe malfunction: “I was in the seventh grade and proudly wearing my first ever bra, a minus A cup to be exact,” wrote Trudy Zaborski. “I was so pumped that I thought I should invest in a two-piece swimsuit.”

OK, you can see where this is headed.

Swimming pool. Trudy’s big dive. And off came her top.

“Not so pumped then,” she recalled.

Slice answer: “If you do not have a boat, that is what is wrong with your life,” wrote John Petrofski. “Buying said boat fixes that. And you can take the kids fishing so they don’t end up as juvenile delinquents or golfers for heaven’s sake.”

Today’s Slice question (fill in the blank): Assuming that virtually everyone around here cares about (    ) suggests you have fundamentally misread Spokane.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. What resident of Lincoln County is most Lincolnesque?

More from this author