The Slice: When she says her 80th is in the cards, she means it

The Slice heard from a reader named Gayle in Chattaroy.

“My birthday is on Valentine’s Day and one of my sons sent me 80 cards — one for each year. Quite a mailbox filler.”

She asked that I not use her last name. She’s not embarrassed about her age. She just doesn’t want people helping her cross the street. “I can still do that on my own, thank you.”

Listening to the rare northern metalpecker: “A sure sign of spring at our house is when the red-shafted flickers arrive,” wrote Caroline Baker of Cheney. “You can hear them on the roof as they peck for bugs. One guy who comes every year must be rather far-sighted as he always mistakes our metal fireplace flue for a tree. His rat-a-tat-tat jack hammer attack brings us right out of our seats as it echoes down through the fireplace. Makes us wonder what the poor guy’s beak must look like.”

Today’s wardrobe malfunction: “One Saturday my junior year in high school, the football team was playing an away game,” wrote Bill Mahaney. “I was a bit late to the field house and had to rush to get into my uniform. I managed to do so just as the team left the locker room for the bus and ran through the band and cheerleaders who were lined up on both sides to cheer us on.

“As a starting player, I was in the first group headed toward the bus. But I had dressed too quickly. As I ran past them, my pants slipped down, causing me to moon the cheerleaders, including my date for that night!”

Under his football pants he had on only a jock strap. “Fortunately I did not fall down.”

Can’t trust that day: Buddy Draper likes having Mondays off for scheduling appointments and shopping when stores are less crowded.

“The one exception seems to be when I go to my barbershop on Mondays because there always seems to be a line there. I ask myself, ‘Why aren’t you people at work?’ Of course, they’re probably asking the same thing about me.”

Today’s Slice question: How do you alter your social media practices when out of town to avoid making it obvious your home is unoccupied?