Miss Manners: Grown children can clean room after visit

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are the 80- and 85-year-old parents of adult children who visit from out of state. I no longer want to provide maid services for them.

Is it inhospitable to ask them to leave the guest bedroom and bathroom/shower as clean as they found it when they arrived? I placed a pail and cleaning products in their bath cabinet.

When we visit friends’ homes, I roll up the bed linen and bring used towels to our host’s laundry, and clean the toilet and bathroom. What guidelines are acceptable to request of our family?

GENTLE READER: Guessing that your children are at least over 40, Miss Manners thinks you may be a bit late in bringing them up to be good guests.

However, you may still ask them to pick up after themselves when they visit. Scrubbing the bathroom is not the usual guest duty, but it is your house and your children, and surely, they would like to spare you the labor. Hints are not working, and it would be a gratuitous insult to the entire family to suggest that they were badly brought up. Just phrase it as a favor to you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to eat potato chips from a bag in the office?

GENTLE READER: Silently. Miss Manners wishes you good luck with that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it ever appropriate for a person to vacuum while the party is still happening? I am not referring to a quick cleanup of a mishap.

GENTLE READER: Only if the guests have overstayed for so long that the host is desperate to get rid of them. Even then, Miss Manners would much prefer a hearty “So nice of you to come” while fetching their coats.