Unconvinced of his gluten sensitivity

Dear Carolyn: I have been dating a smart, funny, interesting, handsome, caring man for eight months. I could see myself sharing a life with this guy … except for one thing.

As far as I can tell, my boyfriend is gluten-free by choice: He has never been diagnosed with celiac disease. He argues that cutting out gluten from his life put an end to his stomach upsets. To his credit, he doesn’t demand that we go to restaurants that have a gluten-free menu.

The reason his lifestyle troubles me so much is that I do have serious dietary restrictions due to a heart condition and have to monitor my intake of foods that interfere with my medication. I hate not being able to eat with the same freedom I enjoyed before, and I am resentful of anyone who I perceive makes up a health condition or adheres to dietary restrictions that seem unnecessary.

I want this relationship to move forward, but I am finding it difficult to move past the gluten-free issue. What should I do? – M.

I haven’t had red wine in years – not because a doctor told me not to, but because my headaches did. I wouldn’t appreciate having someone point out that my way of dealing with this wasn’t valid without a formal diagnosis.

I’d get over that pretty quickly, though. What would stick with me is bemusement that someone even cares what I choose to eat or drink, or not, or why – especially when I’m not killing myself or others with my choices, and when I’m careful not to inconvenience others.

When people merely find what works for them, we owe them respect.

So if he’s genuinely decent, your inability to get past this would be worth a good think. What’s going on in your own mind – and sense of justice? – to make you care so much whether he eats a roll?

With any luck, your inventory will unveil the senselessness of pushing a smart, funny, handsome, caring person out of your life for an eating regimen that you go out of your way to note he isn’t rigid about.