Carolyn Hax: Selfish brides, moms miss life’s true joys

While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On jockeying for wedding dates, venues, baby names: I’m a single 44-year-old woman and am horrified by bridezillas and their equivalent mommy monsters. I don’t recall ever seeing a man write in to complain about his best friend getting engaged first or scheduling his wedding the same summer or his wife thoughtlessly getting pregnant so he couldn’t attend a wedding or having a baby first or stealing his favorite baby name. Being fortunate enough to find a partner and sharing the joy of children should be appreciated on their own terms, not done to win a perceived competition with friends or family members. In a world where many women just hope to stay safe and have children survive infancy, I’d like to think American women could celebrate their friends’ special life events with pure joy and selflessness. – Singleton for Sisterhood

Decades ago when travel wasn’t what it is now, at the same time my boyfriend from Oregon proposed to me, an East Coast girl, his younger brother proposed to his California girl. Because of various career-related circumstances, they planned a large wedding for about a month before we planned to marry, which meant not even his family would be able to attend ours. My very wise husband-to-be took an incredibly kind and long-range view. We talked about the kind of people we wanted to be and what we wanted our marriage to stand for – generosity toward others, support for their happiness, not just ours. We went ahead with a small wedding and never looked back. My husband is gone now, but we had a very happy marriage and nothing but the best relationships between his family and mine. – J.