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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: If life’s a beach, we’re in for a lifetime of therapy

Paul Turner is taking some time off this summer. In his absence, we dive into the archives at Slice Central. Today, we revisit July 3, 2005.

We’re always hearing about women and bathing suits. But men and their swimsuits is the subject truly ripe for a psychologists’ symposium. OK, let’s move on.

Further proof that you can’t believe everything you read on the Internet: Here, according to – an online encyclopedia – are 15 “common” nicknames for Spokane: “Spokadizzle, Spokizzle, Spovegas, Spokavegas, Spokorn, Spotucky, Spokan’t, Spokaloo, Spokompton, Spoghetto, Spokanistan, Spoklahoma, The Can, Spo-kayne, Methlehem.”

A couple of those aren’t bad. And a few are nicknames you might actually hear once in a while. But the reader who called this list to The Slice’s attention has a question: “Who calls it Spotucky?”

Times have changed: Because many people are shortsighted dimwits easily duped by politicians in the pocket of polluters, it’s not unusual to encounter the idea that protecting the environment is some sort of joke. Which makes me suspect that if Expo ’74 were being planned today, defending our air and water would not be selected as the fair’s theme.

So what would? I’ll let you pick.

A) “The right to bear arms.” B) “Let’s mock the separation of church and state.” C) “Only Commies believe in the right to express dissent.” D) “Energy conservation is anti-American.” E) “Tainted beef: It’s what’s for dinner.” F) “Every famous person in history was secretly gay.” G) “Public TV’s gonna get your momma.” H) “I support the troops more than people who wear sandals and berets.” I) “Expo ’05: The Reality Show.” J) Other.

Just wondering: Has one person’s penchant for rough language ever caused a schism between families?

Just wondering 2: How long do you intend to keep calling it “The Bon”?

Vegging out: The British Potato Council has complained to the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionary that the term “couch potato” is misleading. The council’s point is that potatoes are a healthy food and blah blah blah.

This caught my eye for two reasons. First, potatoes are an important crop in Washington and Idaho. And, second, I suspect Slice readers could come up with possible substitutes for the phrase “couch potato.”

Slice answer (how many people have you kissed): “The two correct answers are either: TOO MANY or NOT ENOUGH.” – D. Neil Fitzgerald, Spokane Valley

One final anagram: Derek Cutlip rearranged the letters in “Hoopfest” to make “Hoopfest.”

He swapped the first o with the second o.

Warm-up question: How many times have you been hit by a golf ball?

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