Mr. Dad: Bump in the night causes lasting guilt
Dear Mr. Dad: I’ve got a 6-month-old son who doesn’t sleep very well. As part of my calming-him-down-in-the- middle-of-the-night routine, I walk around the house rocking him. A few nights ago, I lay down on the couch with him on my chest. He fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake him by standing up so I fell asleep, too. Maybe an hour later I was jolted awake by a thump and crying and I realized that my baby had rolled off of me and had landed on the floor. I picked him up right away, and he stopped crying after about 10 minutes. I called our doctor and the advice nurse asked me a bunch of questions and decided that there was no need to come in. That was reassuring, and my son is his usual cheerful self. But I still feel like I’ve failed as a dad for being so careless in the first place. Do you think I’ve done any permanent damage to my child?
A. If your doctor didn’t have you come into the office and your son is behaving normally, chances are very slim that he’ll have any long-term effects. I can’t say the same about you. If you were to ask everyone you know who has children whether they’ve ever had a similar experience, you’ll hear dozens of stories about falls, head-bumps, black eyes, stitches and broken bones. Babies fall a lot, and bumps and bruises are normal. So try to stop torturing yourself. You’re not a bad father – just a human one who’ll be a lot more careful in the future.
That said, I understand your residual fear. When my oldest daughter was about your son’s age, I walked through a doorway with her riding on my shoulders and she smacked her head on the top of the door frame. Our pediatrician reassured me that everything was OK. That didn’t quite do it for me, though. In fact, it wasn’t until she got an A on her AP calculus final that I finally stopped worrying that I’d caused brain damage.
Short of wrapping him in bubble wrap, there’s not much you can do to keep your son from falling. Of course, you’ll childproof your house and put padding on the corners of tables and chairs and anything else that’s roughly head high (to a toddler). But falls are going to happen, and some will involve the head. Fortunately, kids are built pretty tough, so most head bangs will be minor. The problem with head injuries is that they tend to bleed a lot and can produce frighteningly large goose eggs.
The next time your son takes a header, stay calm and help him to get calm, too. If you panic, he’ll think something terrible is happening and he’ll panic as well. Next, stop the bleeding, and put ice on the bump. Then do a quick check of the rest of the body to make sure his arms and legs aren’t hurt.
After that, pediatricians recommend that you pay close attention to your child. If he stops crying after a few minutes and goes back to playing and behaving normally, he’s probably OK. Call the doctor’s office immediately if he seems woozy, has trouble with balance, loses consciousness, vomits repeatedly (once is OK) or cries for a much longer time than usual (an hour or so), or if his eyes go cross-eyed or one of his pupils is dilated more than the other. More serious symptoms include seizures, anything oozing from the ears or nose or excessive sleepiness. But even if there aren’t any symptoms, if you’re really worried, make the call anyway.