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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: That, or we sprain a lot of ankles

Paul Turner is taking some time off this summer. In his absence, we dive into the archives at Slice Central. Today, we revisit July 10, 2012.

A while back, The Slice argued that counting the ticks you remove from yourself provided an accurate measure of how good your weekend had been.

The more the better, I suggested. You know, because a large number would imply that you had been out near nature and living large.

I subsequently heard from a few readers who noted that ticks are disease vectors and not a joking matter. Fair enough.

So today I would like to propose a new approach to assessing the excellence of your summer. It’s an idea I first trotted out in a brief column item that ran on June 6, 2000: (A Spokane-style compliment: “That guy probably uses half a dozen bags of ice on a weekday.”)

So that’s it. It says here that the more ice you purchase, the bigger your good-times footprint.

All right, I’ll grant there are one or two forms of leisure that technically do not require coolers and ice chests. But who could argue that loading a camper or boat with bags of frozen cubes does not foreshadow some full-bodied recreation?

Certainly it declares an intention to chill out.

So forget ticks. Your ice bags tally is what counts.

One ice bag: Nice try.

Ten ice bags: Boomshakalaka.

But there’s a good chance you already knew that. If you have been behind someone buying ice at a Spokane-area grocery store, you might have noticed the tendency to ratchet upward.

“And I’ll need three bags of ice … uh, better make that half a dozen.”

That moment of pause is filled with a quick visualization of what the poet Sly Stone once called “Hot Fun in the Summertime.”

Hence the upgraded commitment to keeping beverages cold.

And as that cart-pushing shopper shuffles out of the store ahead of you, there’s almost a visible cartoon thought-bubble above his or her head. You don’t have to be a mind reader to know it is a paraphrasing of a line famously uttered by Kent “Flounder” Dorfman in the 1978 lifestyle documentary “Animal House.”

“Oh boy, is this great!”

TODAY’S SLICE QUESTION: Should vacations be a learning experience for children?

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