Daughters-in-law won’t make time

Dear Annie: I have two daughters-in-law who seem disrespectful to me. The first one only visits on Christmas day. Yet she has no problem calling when she wants me to take her kids to a doctor’s appointment or pick them up from school. The other one does the same, but her excuse is that they are too busy to see me because they are spending time with her side of the family or are having friends over.

I don’t want to waste any more time on people who have no other use for me, and this upsets my husband no end. But, Annie, it’s simply not fair. I am entitled to some respect. Why do these women think I owe them everything, but they never reciprocate? – Mother-in-Law from Hell

Dear Mother-in-Law: Respect has to be earned, no matter who you are. A relationship with an in-law takes time and effort from both sides. Apparently, you get to see the grandchildren. Some parents would be thrilled to have that much.

Do you see your sons without their wives? If not, you should speak directly to them about it. Never denigrate or criticize their wives. Instead, we urge you to do what you can to warm up these relationships. Let your daughters-in-law know how much you appreciate them for being supportive wives to your sons and good parents to the children (we hope they are). Find something to like about them if it kills you. Invite all of them over for dinner or bring dinner to them. Have a “girls’ day out” and take the daughters-in-law for brunch and bonding. If you can keep your side positive and friendly, they are more likely to respond in kind.