Doug Clark: See if you can pass the Rachel Dolezal exposure test

Head fuzzy? Can’t seem to focus? Forget where you left the kids or your pot stash?

Yes. I know. And I’m here to help.

You’re obviously suffering from PTDS or, as the brain scientists call it, Post Traumatic Dolezal Syndrome.

Just how overcome and obsessed are you from the constant barrage of news about Spokane’s own white/black ex-NAACP president and ousted member of the ombudsman commission, Rachel Dolezal?

Today you can check how Dolezaled you are by taking the following multiple-choice quiz that is approved by the APA (American Psychosis Association).

Answer the questions as honestly as you do when you fudge on your income taxes. We’ll add up your scores at the end of the exam.

Let’s begin.

1. How much time have you devoted to watching Dolezal news?

A – Minutes. (1 slice of white bread)

B – Hours. (2 slices of white bread)

C – I remember watching the KXLY Dolezal interview a week ago. Next thing I know my children are pulling me away from the TV and hollering, “Happy Father’s Day!” (4 slices of white bread)

2. Dolezal told “NBC Nightly News” that she’s not sure her white parents are her real parents. This woman needs a …

A – DNA test. (1 slice of white bread)

B – IQ test. (2 slices of white bread)

C – Urine test. (4 slices of white bread)

3. The Dolezal scandal has given Spokane …

A – A black eye. (1 slice of white bread)

B – An inferiority complex. (2 slices of white bread)

C – I went to the post office yesterday and officially changed my Spokane address to “Down the Road from Post Falls.” (4 slices of white bread)

4. I’m betting Dolezal will parlay her flash-in-the-pan notoriety into …

A – A lucrative book deal. (1 slice of white bread)

B – A Playboy centerfold spread. (2 slices of white bread)

C – Hosting a new TV edition of “Soul Train.” (4 slices of white bread)

5. When “Rachel Dolezal” the movie is made, it will be called …

A – “Black Like She.” (1 slice of white bread)

B – “Ebony or Ivory???” (2 slices of white bread)

C – “Catch Me if You Can II” (4 slices of white bread)

6. In “Rachel Dolezal” the movie, the part of Rachel should be played by …

A – Julia Roberts. (1 slice of white bread)

B – Whoopi Goldberg. (2 slices of white bread)

C – Caitlyn Jenner. (4 slices of white bread)

7. The Dolezal scandal has me feeling sorriest for …

A – Her parents. (1 slice of white bread)

B – The NAACP members she misled. (2 slices of white bread)

C – The Coeur d’Alene Press for not getting enough credit for publishing the original “bombshell” story. (4 slices of white bread)

8. In the “Today” show interview with Matt Lauer, Dolezal came off as …

A – Vague. (1 slice of white bread)

B – Irrational. (2 slices of white bread)

C – Still making way more sense than Donald Trump for president. (4 slices of white bread)

9. Now that Dolezal has been ousted from the ombudsman commission over alleged ethics violations, I think she will …

A – Slink out of Spokane. (1 slice of white bread)

B – Run a write-in campaign for mayor and receive more votes than Shar Lichty. (2 slices of white bread)

C – Make another grab for attention by claiming to be Hispanic. (4 slices of white bread)

10. After weighing all the Rachel Dolezal evidence, I’m now convinced that she’s …

A – A member of the black race. (1 slice of white bread)

B – A member of the white race. (2 slices of white bread)

C – An embarrassment to the human race. (4 slices of white bread)

OK. Time to assess your scores.

If you tallied 10 to 15 slices of white bread, congratulations! You somehow escaped the madness.

Scoring 20 to 25 shows you had a serious exposure, but should be OK.

A perfect score of 40 slices or close to it shows that you have seriously overdosed on Dolezal news and should enter a rehab facility immediately.

Or just as soon as you finish applying for Dolezal’s vacated ombudsman commission chairmanship.