Miss Manners: Change-of-address cards are optional

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell family not to bring anyone to our new home, as if they are a tour guide?

How do I tell family not to post our information or photos on Facebook? We don’t Facebook!

How do I tell family not to bring a housewarming gift? Because the gift isn’t a gift; it attaches them to our house as if we now owe them.

I am preparing our change-of-address cards, and I want to include this for some of our family members. This was difficult for us with our previous home. We have moved farther away, and I don’t want unannounced overnight guests.

GENTLE READER: You have certainly piqued Miss Manners’ curiosity. Yours must be quite a major house, as visitors are regularly posting pictures of it to strangers.

Miss Manners is further at a loss as to what kind of housewarming present would tether its giver to the house – a very long retractable leash?

It would seem that an obvious answer to the problem of having unwanted guests (or their presents) would be not to send change-of-address cards to them. These cards are optional, and the information they contain is on a need-to-know basis.

However, if you do send the cards, there is no polite way to tell people that a housewarming gift is not a ticket of admission. To deflect unwanted guests, you could write inside, “We look forward to inviting you in the future.”

Miss Manners has a feeling, however, that the subtlety of this wording will be lost on the sort of visitors who invite themselves. In that case, she recommends the first solution: Do not tell them where you live.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am remarrying my ex-husband. My first ring was a family heirloom (his side) and I held on to it.

Now I have a second engagement ring. I would prefer to wear the first one. What is the proper protocol for this situation?

GENTLE READER: It would have been to tell your new husband of your preference before he purchased a second ring. Fortunately, you have two hands.