The Slice: Best advice for partygoers: Holster your enthusiasm

I have a confession to make.

It’s this. I have never been to a party where someone got stabbed or shot.

Obviously, this suggests I am out of touch with a significant segment of Spokane society. But there it is.

Oh, I have been to parties where I found myself wishing someone would shoot me. Still, that’s not the same.

So I guess I have two choices. I can try to get out more. Or I can comfort myself with the knowledge that a fairly high percentage of those attending social gatherings featuring felonious mayhem are not newspaper subscribers.

But what about you? Are you equally disconnected from Spokane reality? Have you never been to a party punctuated by gunfire or knifeplay?

It’s OK to tell me. I can keep a secret.

Today’s serpent surprise: “My snake encounter was in typing class my sophomore year in high school,” wrote Mary Ann Barney. “I felt something cool against my leg and, without looking down, brushed it off. I felt it again and looked down. There was a snake coiled around the leg of my typing table with its head just nuzzling my ankle.”

Mary Ann let out a scream that might still be reverberating through the Seattle neighborhood where she grew up.

“It was just a garter snake,” she recalled.

Still, that seems like a pretty legitimate reason to scream.

Of course, maybe it was just trying to slither up to the keyboard to type out a message. Remember the “Calvin and Hobbes” strip where Calvin types “Help, I’m a bug” in the middle of an in-progress letter his mother is writing to his grandmother? Well, perhaps the reptile just wanted to type “Help, I’m a snake.”

Slice answer (doing away with tipping): “Yes, when I am in charge, everyone will be paid a living wage so customers are not asked/expected to assist in paying employees,” wrote Steve Wilder. “By the way, I do tip, and do it with a smile. On the outside, at least.”

Today’s Slice question: For those whose work involves computers…Would you rather sit next to someone at the office who spends half the day watching soft porn or someone who watches hockey fights?