The Slice: Fashion vs. frostbite

Sooner or later, it’s going to get cold

And you know what that means. That’s right. Middle schoolers wearing shorts and T-shirts in freezing weather. Happens every year.

So what can a parent say in the face of this teenage idiocy?

A) “Lord’s name in vain! Don’t tell me that’s all you’re wearing.” B) “Does that impress girls your age?” C) “Want to know what that fashion statement says to me?” D) “Do I have to get Kris Crocker to come over here and force you to put on a coat?”

E) “So who are you supposed to be, Willie Willey Jr.?” F) “Are you letting your freak flag fly?” G) “So why can you act impervious to cold and yet whine about everything else?” H) “Well look who’s here – Scott of the Antarctic.”

I) “What color is the sky in your world?” J) “Is that how you would dress for the Battle of the Bulge?” K) “The thing that gets me is you kids think you invented this.” L) “Is it wrong to root for your child to get hypothermia?”

M) “Hello, Mr. Cliche.” N) “Yeah, you’re tough. You don’t need no stinkin’ coat.” O) “Hee Haw! Just don’t text behind the wheel.” P) “I can’t wait for you to be old enough to recognize this behavior for what it is.”

Q) “You’re not fooling me. I know you are going to ditch your parka the moment you step out the door.” R) “Hey, you could form a morons club! You know, with your little friends Scooter and Skippy.” S) “Oh, great. Now I’ll be living with a Foreigner earworm all day.” T) “Any idea when you’ll outgrow this phase?”

U) “I remember when you were dropped as a baby.” V) “I guess your love of king and country will keep you warm.” W) “I never did anything silly when I was young.”

X) “Is this a cry for help?” Y) “I don’t care what anybody says. You’re still a good kid.” Z) Other.

Warm-up question: What conspiracy theory makes you chortle?

Today’s Slice question: If some behavior czar or oversight agency performed a culture audit of your home or workplace, what findings would emerge?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Molly Zammit said her dog Yoda, who carries the newspaper back home on a dirt road each day, never complains about the size of the Monday S-R.