Annie’s Mailbox: Care for mother has exhausted pair

Dear Annie: I have been taking care of my mother since I was 17 and she was disabled from a car accident and unable to work. I am now 47, and Mom is 72. Her health is getting worse, so my husband and I recently moved her in with us. My husband and I work full time. I have caregivers who come in during the day when we are at work, and we take care of her at night.

Annie, I’m so tired. My husband and I can’t go anywhere overnight. Our sex life has gone downhill, because we are both so exhausted. Mom has become mean and combative, which makes our lives miserable. She doesn’t sleep much at night, which means neither do I. There are no other family members around to help.

I have tried to find a skilled nursing facility or other assisted living place, but am having a hard time finding one that she can afford. I want her somewhere safe, but I also want my life back. I know this sounds awful of me. Any suggestions would be helpful. – Drained and Frustrated

Dear Drained: Being a full-time caregiver is a tiring job, and you’ve been at it for most of your life. It is perfectly natural that you are exhausted and ready to find another place for Mom to live.

Most nursing homes will accept Medicare when Mom’s money runs out. Please call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 for information about the available resources in your area. But first ask about resources for respite care for yourself. You deserve it.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to annies mailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.