Annie’s Mailbox: Sadness sets in when wife is away, distant

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for two. I still work full time, but my wife took early retirement last spring and now she spends weeks at a time visiting different members of her family.

When she is gone, she rarely answers her phone. I’ve noticed that when she’s away, I sleep and eat more, rarely socialize and don’t get things done that I should. I believe I’m depressed without her. Sometimes I pretend I have no partner and don’t care that she’s away. I get through those weeks much better that way.

I believe it would be easier if she called me daily or at least answered my calls, so I don’t feel cut off and alone. She doesn’t understand this. She says phone calls interfere with her visits. Annie, wouldn’t any normal person understand calling her spouse to touch base once a day?

Is it right for couples to be apart so much? I really want this marriage to work, but it seems rather one-sided. – Lonely and Depressed in the Midwest

Dear Lonely: Most couples check in once a day or at least every other day when they are apart. The fact that your wife doesn’t want to do this for weeks at a time worries us. We know some readers will question whether she is even visiting relatives or doing something altogether different, but we think your wife considers time away from you to be her vacation, and she is reluctant to be reminded otherwise.

When she next returns home, you can ask her about this. You can consider counseling together. But we also recommend you stay active while she’s away. Find something to do that will keep your mind busy so you are less depressed and lonely. Take up a hobby. Work on a project around the house. Go to the gym – exercise is good for raising endorphins and making you feel better.