Dear Annie: My father has a bunch of serious medical problems. We’ve never been close. Dad was a heavy drinker and always yelled at me. He was extremely rude, critical, sarcastic and angry all the time, for no reason. Once, he threw me out of a slow-moving car. I’ve attempted suicide three times, and Dad refused to visit me in the hospital. I’m still angry about this.
I suspect he could pass away soon, and I would like to have some meaningful dialogues before that happens. I also have a terrible secret I’d like to tell him before he dies.
Since his health problems started, Dad has changed for the better, but we still rarely talk to each other. How do I begin to tell him my secret? – Scared Son in Florida
Dear Scared Son: Since you and Dad have such a hard time communicating, it might help to bring in a third party to facilitate the initial conversation – perhaps an understanding relative, mutual friend or clergyperson. You can always start by telling him you care about him and worry about his health. However, we have to wonder why you are so desperate to tell him a “terrible secret.” It doesn’t sound as if you seek his counsel on the matter, only that you are trying to unburden yourself at his expense. Examine your motives. If telling Dad will bring him some peace of mind and make your relationship better, go ahead. Otherwise, please discuss your secret with someone who can be of assistance or support.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@ creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies.
