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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Dog days of summer winding down

When young children first stumble off to school, there is something they do not understand.

They don’t see why their dog can’t go with them.

“He wants to learn!” the child might say.

At which point a parent is faced with trying to explain why canines do not belong in the classroom.

Usually, something along the lines of “That’s just the way it is” will work. Eventually. But if that fails to persuade the young scholar, you might try one of these.

“Dogs don’t enjoy cafeteria food.”

“Dogs are needed at home. You know, so they can be ready to eat homework.”

“For whatever reason, dogs don’t score well on standardized tests.”

“Much as it might seem like justice, we couldn’t have Skippy go all ‘Cujo’ on a bully.”

“Some of the other dogs might not be vaccinated.”

Today’s “Star Trek” story: Retired teacher Don Thomas shared this.

“Shortly after a school announcement that no student will be in the hall without a pass, I stepped out of my classroom. Not 10 feet away was a young man (10th-grader). He saw me (his math teacher) and said ‘Uh oh.’ Whereupon he whipped out his billfold, flipped it open and said into it, ‘Quick, Scotty, beam me up.’ ”

There seems to be a pattern here: “Shortly after their marriage, my parents purchased a home at the top of the Division Street hill, E. 48 Glass Ave.,” wrote Bob Durgan. “As my family grew there was a need to find more space and they purchased a home at E. 408 Glass Ave. Many years later they moved again to a newer home at E. 418 Glass Ave. and spent their remaining years at this location.”

See if this puts you in mind of “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”: “While sitting in the Lochsa River on a 100 degree-plus day this summer my glasses fell off and were grabbed by the rushing water, never to be seen again,” wrote Joan Baune. “Maybe some vision impaired fish will be grateful to find them.”

Today’s Slice question: Is it true that, back in the day, cigarette smoke in the teachers’ lounge was so thick it could have been used to upholster furniture?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160. Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Do you remember when classic rock radio stations referred to “Zeptember”?

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