Rebuilding after porn addiction

Dear Annie: Your response to “No One To Share This With” was not strong enough. She said her husband was viewing porn. I know how she feels.

I recently discovered that my 57-year-old husband, to whom I’ve been married for 34 years, was viewing Internet porn. It took me three months to get the full truth from him, because he was so ashamed. He started by looking at pictures of women in various stages of undress and it quickly escalated.

We always had a loving relationship, but during this time I noticed he was more distant and less affectionate. When I questioned him, things would improve, but only temporarily. When I discovered his porn viewing, I was humiliated and hurt. He broke my trust. It is not OK to view porn. It is infidelity. It is addictive. It is disrespectful to your spouse. It sets up unrealistic expectations. It’s selfish. I am trim and attractive, but at age 54, I cannot compete with 20-year-olds.

My husband regrets what he has done. He is sorry about how his actions hurt me. He has taken full responsibility, saying I did absolutely nothing to cause him to turn to porn. He voluntarily surrendered his computer and smartphone so I could set restrictions keeping him from accessing those websites.

We immediately started counseling individually and as a couple, and I am working on forgiving him. Porn viewing should not be tolerated and should be addressed immediately. – Rebuilding Our Relationship in L.A.

Dear L.A.: Spouses have different tolerance levels for porn. The problem these days is that porn is not only easily accessed on one’s computer or phone, but that it is also interactive. It interferes with one’s relationships in real time. We’re glad you and your husband are seriously working on this.