Miss Manners: Humor is best response to ‘frenemy’s’ gibe

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Ten years ago – yes, 10 years ago – my son applied for a job at HotShot University. He did not get it. However, my husband was so sure he would get it that he told a friend about the application, which meant that my husband had to tell the friend later that our son did not get the job.

This friend’s wife, who is sort of a “frenemy,” has latched onto this information, and every time my son comes up in conversation, she manages to bring it up, saying things like, “Gee, it’s a shame he didn’t get that job at HotShot he wanted” – as if everything he has accomplished has been for naught because of that.

I am really tired of this and have started pretending I don’t know what she’s talking about (did I mention it’s been 10 years?), but I think she knows I am faking. What to do?

GENTLE READER: Tempting as it is to fight back – “You know, it seemed like a disappointment at the time, but only imagine if he had gotten it. He would not have run for Congress, and he wouldn’t be president today” – the best course is to laugh.

Your friend’s wife either means to hurt you or she is stunningly thoughtless. In either case, your finding it humorous that she still remembers it after 10 years is not the response she is looking for – and should therefore discourage further repetitions. Miss Manners trusts that your husband, meanwhile, has learned his lesson several times over.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to have a girlfriend or boyfriend stand in the reception line at a funeral? I’m an only child and do not want to stand in line alone.

GENTLE READER: While willing fiancees (and fiances) are welcome, in the absence of current or prospective relatives, Miss Manners permits the presence of someone who is bound to be taken as such. You likely can’t prevent that, no matter how carefully you observe the polite fiction that he or she is “a close family friend” of you and the deceased.