Rex Huppke: Obama is CEO, not founder, of ISIS
Donald Trump seems to have it in his head that President Barack Obama founded the Islamic State terrorist group, also known as ISIS.
At a rally Wednesday, he said of Obama: “He is the founder of ISIS. He is the founder of ISIS, OK? He is the founder. He founded ISIS.”
Not a lot of wiggle room in those statements.
Conservative radio host Hugh Hewitt gave Trump a chance to clarify what he meant Thursday, leading to this exchange:
Hewitt: “Last night you said that the president was the founder of ISIS. I know what you meant. You meant that he created the vacuum; he lost the peace.”
Trump: “No, I meant that he’s the founder of ISIS. I do. He was the most valuable player. I gave him the most valuable player award.”
Today, following two days of outrage over those comments, Trump tweeted that he was just being sarcastic, writing in a separate tweet: “I love watching these poor, pathetic people (pundits) on television working so hard and so seriously to try and figure me out. They can’t!”
There are two possibilities here:
1. Trump was being sarcastic – bigly – and should be ashamed of himself.
2. The media are involved in a massive cover-up to hide the truth about Obama founding Islamic State.
As a highly respected member of the corrupt, liberal, corporate, dishonest, mainstream media, I have to come clean on this one. The truth is No. 2.
For years we have managed to keep this quiet, but I now take it upon myself to give Americans a full and honest and in-no-way-made-up-out-of- whole-cloth accounting of Islamic State’s U.S.-based leadership structure. I hope this in some small way absolves me of my previous complicity.
Barack Obama is not actually the founder of ISIS. He’s more of a CEO.
The real founder was Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who was killed by U.S. forces under the administration of George W. Bush in 2006.
That created a leadership opening for Obama, at the time an Illinois senator who, as we all know, was born in Kenya and raised as a Muslim secret agent destined to become president of the United States. (It’s on the internet; look it up!)
I know what you’re asking: George W. Bush was in on this? Of course he was, silly! Five years removed from planning the terror attacks of Sept. 11 (jet fuel can’t melt steel beams), Bush was eager for a new mission. So he laid the groundwork, and Obama stepped into the ISIS void.
Once in place as president (of America) and CEO (of ISIS), Obama brought on Hillary Clinton as his secretary of state (of America) and chief operating officer (of ISIS). Trump has referred to Clinton as an “ISIS co-founder,” but that’s just a minor error in title.
The remaining ISIS leadership rounded out like this:
Chief financial officer: evil liberal billionaire George Soros.
Chief information officer: Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly. (Trump was right to not like her!)
Director of propaganda and catering: filmmaker Michael Moore.
Head of human resources: former President Bill Clinton. (That has not gone well.)
Rotating Hollywood-elite celebrity executive: currently Barbra Streisand.
Head of recruiting: reality television star and current Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.
Yes, you read that last one right. Trump has played a key role in the terror organization founded by Obama. He’s probably just too humble to bring that up.
The media have used reality television – including Trump’s show “The Apprentice” – to distract Americans from Obama’s treasonous skulduggery. Clearly, it worked to perfection.
Now a clip of candidate Trump has appeared in at least one ISIS recruitment video (that is actually true), so he has clearly been doing a good job and is likely in line for a raise. He’s a great deal-maker – the best, really – so I’m sure he’ll negotiate something fantastic.
Anyway, under Obama, Islamic State’s gay members (of which there are none) are able to marry and every employee has health care, which is convenient because Obama is constantly shooting missiles at them and has killed thousands.
Oh, and while Trump continues to say that Obama and Clinton should win ISIS’ “most valuable player award,” there is no such thing. There is an employee-of-the-month program, but management isn’t eligible and the winners have a tendency to be dead.
It feels good to get this off my chest, which, if I may repeat it, is: “He is the founder of ISIS. He is the founder of ISIS, OK? He is the founder. He founded ISIS.”
Or maybe I’m just being sarcastic. Who knows?
Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune.