Carolyn Hax: Neglected dog needs new home

Dear Carolyn: My brother-in-law recently lost his apartment, so my husband and I offered to watch his dog while he finds a new place (he is staying with his girlfriend, whose complex prohibits dogs).

The dog is so skinny you can clearly see his ribs and his hip bones. I’ve heard about this dog being neglected, so this is not the first time. We gave him food and water and he ate and drank a ton.

We were given the dog crate, but there was no bedding – the dog stays on the hard metal floor of the crate for long hours. He isn’t given exercise, and has accidents because he isn’t properly housebroken or taken outside.

These things, to me, are unacceptable. We have three rescue dogs, so I know neglect when I see it! Our initial reaction is to find a new home for the dog, but this is family so it’s a sensitive topic. Is there a good way to approach yet another conversation with my brother-in-law or should we just find the dog a new home? – A.

Humans don’t deserve dogs, do we?

Just finding the little dude a “foster home” has an interesting benefit, besides putting a stop to his torture: It makes you the bad guys and therefore allows your brother-in-law (“Bill”) to save face and grieve his dog while being secretly relieved he’s gone. The calculation there is that anyone who neglects a pet doesn’t really want the pet.

In that calculation, though, lies enough of an opening for you to rescue the dog and navigate sensitivities. Instead of going straight to the nuclear option, you and your husband say to Bill: “It looks like Dogster needs more care than you can give him right now. We’d like to find a new home for him.”

If he balks, then say you’re not comfortable giving him back. Talk toward a plan you all (Dogster especially) can live with.

Remember, the nuclear option remains as long as you host this dog, buying you time to try better ways.