Love story: Marriage lasted decades past mother’s prediction

Ruth Beck should have known it was true love when Herb Beck emerged from his hiding place beneath the cafeteria lunch table.

Their high school in Eden, New York, had a Sadie Hawkins dance fast approaching and Herb was busy dodging girls eager to tag him.

“I was the DJ at the dances,” he said. “I was popular. I dove under the table to escape a girl, but when I saw Ruth coming over I popped up and let her tag me.”

He’d had his eye on Ruth since the first day of school.

“When I saw her I said, ‘I’m going to marry that girl!’ ” recalled Herb. “I don’t even know where that came from. My buddies all laughed.”

Indeed, they got “married” at the Sadie’s dance and still have their tattered marriage license that includes these conditions: “The wife chops firewood, cooks meals, and does the work; the husband agrees to hunt and fish and to be the head of the household.”

The “license” is dated Nov. 3, 1959.

Ruth smiled and said that after that fateful dance, “Many of the couples who got fake married, actually got married and stayed married.”

The Becks were among them, but they faced some challenges on the way to the altar. After graduation, Herb attended college in Buffalo, 20 miles from their hometown. He had no car, which made courtship difficult. Phone calls were expensive, so they wrote letters. But by Herb’s senior year, the separation proved unbearable.

“We wanted to be together,” Ruth said.

They married on Feb. 25, 1961, but Herb’s mother was not happy about the union. His father had died when Herb was 12 and Herb grew up fast.

“I became the man of the family,” he said.

His mother wanted him to graduate from college and then continue his education at another school. Marriage at 21 was not what she’d planned for her son.

At the wedding, Herb said, “Mom sat in the back of the church and said, ‘I give them five years.’ ”

The couple honeymooned at Niagara Falls. Herb graduated with a degree in electrical engineering and took a job with IBM.

Daughter Susan arrived in August 1961.

“I was so excited,” Ruth said.

In fact, she enjoyed being a mother so much she wanted to have another baby right away. She got her wish with the birth of Carol, 15 months later.

“After I had her, I kept my mouth shut,” said Ruth, laughing.

However, 10 years later they adopted a son, Christopher.

“He’s my baby,” she said. He’s 6-foot-3; Ruth is 5-foot-4. “I tell him he gets his height from me,” she said.

IBM transferred the family to San Jose, California, and Herb enjoyed a variety of positions within the company, finally taking early retirement after 30 years.

His retirement didn’t last long. “They hired me back to do contract work, which I did for another 10 years,” he said.

Ruth worked as a teacher’s aide when the kids were in school, but when they started leaving the nest she pursued a new career in the travel industry.

“I went to travel school through United Airlines,” she said. “I got a job as a travel agent and traveled all over the world.”

Her work took her to Germany, Austria, Fiji, France, England, Spain and other places. She enjoyed learning about each country and culture she visited.

“I even took Herb a few times,” she said, grinning.

They moved to Spokane a year ago to be near their daughter Carol.

It’s been a good move for them.

“We’ve traveled a lot, all over the U.S., and Spokane has the friendliest people of any city,” Herb said.

They consider themselves passionate, lifelong learners.

“You can always improve yourself,” Ruth said.

Herb said, “It’s so rewarding to see our children pass that love of learning and education on to their own children.”

As their 55th anniversary approaches, the couple reflected on Herb’s mother’s grim prediction that their marriage would last only five years. Her opposition created a rift that never healed.

Herb shrugged. “I called her on our fifth anniversary and told her we were still married.”

That isn’t to say their matrimonial boat always sailed smooth seas.

“He loves his hair and insists on having it long,” Ruth said. “It drives me crazy!”

He grinned. “But except for my hair, she hasn’t tried to change me too much. It’s been fun all these years.”