Broken chair not worry of house guest

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a house party held in the home of an antiques dealer whose home was filled with magnificent furniture.

An oversized guest at this party sat indelicately on a small, expensive antique chair and broke one of the legs. The hostess was in another room. I heard and saw the crack.

Moments later, I left. I never told the hostess. Was I wrong? And, if I was to tell the hostess, how could I do that without embarrassing the guest?

GENTLE READER: The hostess was going to find out whether you told her or not.

Miss Manners fears the only reason to have told her would be to recuse yourself from blame. The guest who broke it should have confessed and offered to repair the damage. Perhaps he or she did. But not much good could come from your turning that person in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I teach in a high school, and two of my fellow teachers have suffered the loss of a family member. In one case, the father of my colleague did not have life insurance, and the cost of undertaking services fell on his shoulders. The staff took up a collection to which I was happy to contribute.

Then another teacher lost an unborn child very late in the pregnancy. Of course, my heart went out to this family. We took up a collection to buy gift cards for things the family may need.

That family was deeply saddened, but in no financial crisis. In my day, we might collect for flowers or a tree that the family could plant in memory. If we were close to a family suffering a loss, we would take over a meal,.

We all were upset by the loss, but is a monetary gift appropriate? No amount of money can replace a loved one.

GENTLE READER: No, but people often don’t know what to say or do when tragedy strikes, and the first colleague’s financial situation gave the staff a purpose for their donations. Unfortunately, that set a precedent.

You could lead a movement away from automatic public solicitations by initiating a gift of food or flowers the next time tragedy strikes.