Annie’s Mailbox: Wife sees marriage counseling as overture to divorce

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 22 years and have two wonderful children. We both have college degrees and full-time jobs.

I am an optimistic introvert, and she is a pessimistic extrovert. We have never been close to each other socially. We have different interests and physical abilities. We also don’t communicate much, even on important issues. I think conversations should be short and to the point, my wife can go on and on. She doesn’t even try anymore because she believes I have no interest. Our sex life is almost nonexistent. She has no interest in any type of intimacy.

We both contribute to the problems, and I want to change this. I want to be closer and find common ground. But when I suggested counseling, she refused. She says everyone she knows who has tried therapy has ended up in divorce court. She thinks if I ask for counseling, it means I want a divorce.

This puts me between a rock and a hard place. What would you suggest? – Stymied Husband

Dear Stymied: We wonder how you two ever ended up married for 22 years. While it is true that some couples enter counseling as a pretense to justify divorce, a good counselor will not deliberately steer you in that direction. We’ve printed many letters from people saying that counseling saved their relationships by helping each person express themselves clearly so that positive changes could be made.

Your wife has to trust you enough to believe that you want to salvage your marriage. Please show her this letter and tell her you wrote it. Say how much you want to be closer, and ask her to come with you for counseling so both of you can find a way back to each other. We hope she will cooperate.

Email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators. com.