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This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

The Slice: If today is your birthday…

If you were born on this date in 1956, the No. 1 song waiting to greet you was Dean Martin’s “Memories are Made of This.”

According to The Slice’s Top 40 Horoscope, that means you are a good cook, a talented interior decorator and cats like you.

But you already knew that.

If you were born on this date in 1966, the No. 1 song was Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence.”

That means you are too sensitive for your own good, are secretly admired by younger co-workers and have a wicked serve in Ping-Pong.

How many people know that about you?

And if you were born on this date in 1976, the No. 1 song was “Theme from Mahogany (Do you know where you’re going to)” by Diana Ross.

That means there is a good chance you spent your earliest days covering your ears.

Let’s move on.

Multiple choice: How do you react to Grand Coulee Dam?

A) Awe. B) Something about it unnerves me. C) Admiration. D) Regret. E) It puts me in a contemplative mood. F) I’ll tell you after I see it. G) Other.

Warm-up questions: In the Inland Northwest, can you guess a woman’s social attitudes by observing how much makeup she uses? Can you guess the same about a local man by noting what kind of vehicle he drives?

Today’s Slice question: Blues musicians tended to have colorful nicknames. You know, “Big Mama,” “Sleepy,” “Lightnin’,” “Pinetop,” “Big Boy,” “Little Smokey,” “Blind Willie” and the like.

Maybe that’s what Spokane needs. More nicknames. You know, customized monikers reflecting the reality of life here. Just imagine.

“Casual Dress Smith.” Or “Buffet Pants Jones.” Or “Pickup Truck Taylor.” Or “Yard Sale Swanson.” Or “Lake House Johnson.” Or “Small Pond Wilson.” Or “Free Parking Anderson.” Or “Bike Helmet Larson.” Or “Noise Ordinance White.” Or “Tartar Sauce Thompson.” Or “Vinegar Flats Freeman.” Or “Sunburn Simpson.” Or “Studded Tires Tucker.” Or “Bargain Boy Reynolds.” Or “Fish Hook Peterson.” Or “Tanker Edwards.” Or “Hoopfest Hunter.” Or “Flu Shot Franklin.” Or “Spendy Mitchell.” Or “Outstanding Warrant Walker.” Or “Magpie Mulligan.” Or “Duct Tape Dunlap.” Or “Steelhead Stevens.” Or “Black Diamond Howell.” Or “Ballcap Burnham.”

I’ll bet you can do better.

So what’s your idea for the perfect Spokane nickname? Perhaps it’s one you might give yourself.

Best answer submitted by midnight wins a coveted reporter’s notebook.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Haven’t heard from anyone in ages who did not realize there is always a random sentence down here.

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