Couch Slouch: Give the Olympics a permanent site

The 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro are almost upon us – assuming they don’t get canceled or moved to a safer planet – and is Couch Slouch ever excited.

Doping!

Bribery!

Mosquitoes!

However, for those of you considering going to Brazil next month for the Games, I would have to discourage this, mostly for two reasons:

1. It’s very, very far, unless you happen to be in Rio de Janeiro already. From my home in Los Angeles, it’s 6,299 miles – that’s 10,137 kilometers, which sounds even further. Do you have any idea how long it takes to get there? Heck, I’m lucky to get to LAX inside of an hour, and I live at the end of one of its runways.

2. The whole shebang is on NBC and its dysfunctional family of cable networks, from start to finish. Why schlep to Brazil when NBC is schlepping Brazil into your home? NBC reportedly even will devote one of its cable entities – likely NBCSN, which currently has no viewership – to showing the Olympic flame 24-7, with limited commercial interruption; Al Trautwig will announce.

(In total, NBC – over 11 networks and the NBC Sports app – will air or stream 6,755 hours, coincidentally the exact amount of time Ryan Seacrest has spent in a makeup chair since 1993.)

Bob Costas will be NBC’s prime-time Olympics host for a record 11th time. It should be noted, however, that Rio is so far, Costas will anchor these Olympics from an MLB Network studio in Secaucus, N.J.; this will allow him to attend Didi Gregorius Bobblehead Day at Yankee Stadium on Aug. 7.

Anyway, we all know the litany of problems that have threatened to doom the Rio Olympics – economic crisis, political chaos, the Zika virus, security concerns, pollution and construction woes.

(Note: Every Olympics in recent memory seems doomed. Then Michael Phelps jumps into the the pool and all that glitters is gold.)

Indeed, many have argued for the Games to be called off or shifted elsewhere.

But I am not here to throw another log onto that wildfire.

Rather, I am here to ask a question raised previously by smarter people than me:

Why do we continue the farcically costly endeavor of building new Olympic facilities in different locales every four years?

Frankly, it’s always better for a business if it operates from the same site.

Sure, pop-up restaurants might thrive from time to time, but pop-up Olympics? I mean, if you want to set up shop and start cooking bulgogi in a storefront or somebody’s house, that’s one thing, but to run a two-week sporting competition for the entire world, you’ve got to build too many venues and too much housing at too great a cost.

London’s Summer Games in 2012 cost $14.6 billion, Rio’s Games in 2016 might exceed $20 billion. Those actually seem reasonable compared to the 2014 Winter Games, when cash-rich Vladimir Putin found $50 billion laying around to stage them in Sochi, Russia.

It goes without saying that much of the cost comes from taxpayer money, with the possible exception of the Sochi Olympics – Putin might’ve secured a loan from Donald Trump.

Anyway, it makes abundant sense to abandon the cash-pit carousel and give the Olympics a permanent home. That’s the way it used to work – the ancient Games were held in Olympia, Greece for nearly 12 centuries starting in 776 B.C. and nobody on social media complained about any of it back then.

So why not reestablish Olympia as the permanent site? It’s Olympia, for goodness sakes – if you’re called Olympia, nobody expects you to host the Grammy Awards, but it’s somewhat obvious you should be home to the Olympics.

If not Olympia, then why not Disney World? Trust me, those folks know how to handle a big crowd. And who doesn’t want to go to Disney World?

Ask The Slouch

Q. If you had Tom Brady’s lawyers, would you still be appealing your first and second divorces? (Mike Wilsman; Severna Park, Md.)

A. Until now, Brady’s lawyers never took unwinnable cases.

Q. Are you surprised that Tim Duncan essentially retired in the middle of the night, to go as unnoticed as possible? (Daniel Wong; Eugene, Ore.)

A. You know, Radio Shack should follow Tim Duncan’s lead – just close its doors without any public notice.

Q. I have never seen you on TV or seen a photo of you. Who do you think you most resemble? (Brian Coffman; Gaithersburg, Md.)

A. In my college days, Yasser Arafat; now, a wildebeest with a double chin.

Q. Taking a cue from MLB, is it true that the conference that wins the NBA All-Star Game now gets all the officials’ calls for the first game of the NBA Finals? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Isn’t being selected as Donald Trump’s vice presidential running mate akin to being selected as the Cleveland Browns’ first-round draft pick? (Perry Clark; Princeton, W.Va.)

A. Ten bits, no waiting.

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