Dear Annie: I have been dating “Brad” for three years. He is loving and kind. When he proposed, I said yes immediately. But what is supposed to be an exciting time in my life is marred by his ex-girlfriend, “Marsha.”
I knew Marsha when she and Brad dated 10 years ago. For some reason, she disliked me. Brad confided that Marsha didn’t like any of the women he was friends with, saying they were “petty.”
Marsha is now married, but she and Brad have remained friends. I’ve never objected to their friendship, but I’ve also never found a reason to befriend her.
Brad has reiterated Marsha’s old accusation of my being “petty” because I am resistant to a friendship. He said Marsha doesn’t remember how rudely she treated me and insists she be invited to our wedding. I disagree. I envision my wedding filled with people who love me. Since I’m paying for half, I should have a say. Brad told me to get counseling to find the “real reason” I dislike her. He intimated that I had deep-seated problems and Marsha was the innocent party.
I’m beginning to think wedding bells are not on our horizon. Please help. – To Wed or Not to Wed
Dear Wed: If you are splitting the costs of the wedding, Brad gets to invite Marsha and her husband. You were wrong to turn that into an ultimatum. It made you seem ungenerous and forced Brad to defend his ex. The way Marsha behaved 10 years ago is old news. She was probably jealous of any women around Brad. People can change. But we also wonder why Brad demands you make friends with her. There is no reason for that, except that he anticipates including Marsha and her husband in your social life. Frankly, if this argument is enough for you to stop the wedding, we think it might be for the best.
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