Annie’s Mailbox: Readers weigh in on abusive spouses

Dear Annie: “Can’t Win in Tennessee” said his wife calls him names, constantly criticizes him and threatens divorce. You correctly told him that he was in an abusive marriage. What you didn’t point out is that his two young children are also being damaged by his wife’s behavior. From my own experience, I can promise you that those kids are feeling the instability of the marriage.

Dad might think he can “man up” and take his wife’s abuse, but his children don’t have that strength. He needs to see a counselor not only for himself, but also for them. – Collateral Damage in California

Dear Collateral: We agree that children are deeply affected by whatever relationship their parents have. Here is another letter on the subject:

Dear Annie: My husband cut out this column and put it on my desk, saying that I was abusing him. You tell me.

We have been married for four years. In that time, my husband has been mostly unemployed. He is a heavy drinker. He reeks of it. It was the reason he was the first one out the door during layoffs. He quit one job because he “didn’t like it.” I support him and our four kids. He claims he can’t find a job, but he won’t look because he considers most jobs beneath him.

I buy the groceries, make the meals, do most of the dishes and pay the bills. He occasionally cooks a meal or washes his own laundry. When I ask him to do something, it sits for a week and if I complain, he says I am overbearing.

I am tired of being the bad guy. I have made things easy for him, yet he claims his life is horrible. It’s difficult for me to respect someone who could be helping our future, but won’t. – Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin: You don’t sound abusive. You sound desperate. Your husband sounds like an alcoholic and a freeloader. Try Al-Anon (alanon.org).