The Slice: You be the social consultant

What advice would you give someone contemplating hosting a holiday party?

A) Lie down with a cold compress on your forehead, until the urge passes. B) Go for it. C) Better get those invitations out fast, so people can reserve the date. D) Do you really want all those people using your bathroom? E) Why not? Maybe some of those you invite will actually show up. F) Have you already forgotten last time? G) Other.

Just wondering: Could your spirit animal injure you?

Colville’s Gordon Hensley ranks pizza options: The Slice asked if making a pizza at home is worth the trouble. Gordon responded with this list.

1. Non-franchise pizzeria. 2. Homemade. 3. Take and bake franchise. 4. Pizza Hut full service. 5. Grocery store take and bake. 6. Delivery. 7. Frozen gourmet. 8. Frozen value brand. 9. Pot-luck funeral pizza casserole. 10. School cafeteria.

Slice answer: One difference between Spokane Valley and Bedford Falls from “It’s a Wonderful Life”?

“One has no basis in reality,” said John Myers.

Never Been to Hawaii Support Group: Recent column entries under this heading reminded Steve LaCombe of an old joke.

A guy finds a magic lamp in the sand. A Genie pops out. Says he will grant one wish. The finder of the lamp already has everything he could ever want. But he longs to take his wife to Hawaii. Problem is, she doesn’t like to fly or float. So he asks the Genie to build a bridge to Hawaii from the mainland.

The Genie complains, arguing about the mind-blowing magnitude of such an enormous undertaking. So, stymied, the finder of the lamp comes up with a Plan B wish. He asks the Genie to give him the power to understand women.

The Genie thinks about this for a moment. Then he says, “How many lanes do you want on the bridge, two or four?”

OK, The Slice will now accept a printable joke that pokes fun at men.

Today’s Slice question: I’ve been catching up on a TV series called “Longmire.” The character at the center of the show is a modern-day Wyoming sheriff with a fondness for Rainier beer. He’s seen holding a bottle or can several times an episode. It’s practically his trademark.

So here’s the question. If you were the inspiration for someone in a TV series or a movie, with what consumer product would that character have a signature association?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Ever received one of those family newsletters in a Christmas card and wondered what the sender was smoking when he or she wrote it?