Huckleberries: Signs of Portland’s weirdness exist all around the Rose City

“Keep Portland Weird” is a slogan you’ll see everywhere in the Rose City, including on bumpers, signs and buildings. And Portlanders try hard to live up to their rally cry. Among the weirdness Huckleberries spied in Portland during a recent long weekend:

A sign in the bathroom of Mother’s Bistro: “Eat, drink and be merry, or a fairy, or whatever, it’s Portland.”

And: A sign above the meat counter at New Seasons market explaining that the animals sliced and diced for the eating pleasure of the sensitive customers lived full, free-range and nontoxic lives before the ax fell.

And: The Shepherd’s Gate Church on 122nd Street that had been a juice bar and strip joint until the owner’s inability to get a liquor license proved fatal to his economic prosperity.

And: A bumper snicker on an orange sedan: “This vehicle brakes for unusual cloud formations.”

And: A recycling station at the Portland Zoo that offers eight options including pizza boxes, “co-mingle” and “not sure.”

And: A bumper snicker that proved Huckleberries was no longer in Idaho, Toto: “Oregonians support background checks on all gun sales.” Bumper snicker nearby: “All politicians suck.”

And: A “Lost” poster that graces the front window of Natural Furniture year-round allegedly looking for a missing pigeon named “Jeff.” The poster includes the info: “Will respond to his name when called.” And that’s why you see wandering Portlanders looking skyward and asking, “Jeff?”

No can do No. 2

Busy Joe Paisley of Rock 94 1/2 KHTQ was feeling ambitious over the weekend. So he made time to have the oil changed in the car. And took the kids with him – 6-year-old Pepper and her 3-year-old brother, Ezzie. As Joe pulled into the bay for the oil change, an attendant approached. “Hello, sir,” the employee began, “you just looking for an oil change today?” The oil jockey had barely gotten the words out when Pepper leans forward from the back seat and shouts: “My brother pees in the potty, but still poops his pants like a baby.”

Anyone who follows Joe on the air knows that he’s rarely lost for words. But he could only manage to mutter: “So, let’s do an oil AND diaper change.” The attendant took care of the No. 1 item on Joe’s list. But not the No. 2.

Huckleberries

Poet’s Corner: “Within this building you will see/small countless acts of bravery/and kindness shown to fellow man;/it teaches more than sermons can” – from a poem, entitled “The Cancer Clinic,” that can be found in “The Bard of Sherman Avenue: Poems by Tom Wobker” (available at the Well Read Moose in Coeur d’Alene and Aunties in Spokane) … The sign on the Coeur d’Alene Resort Boardwalk bridge Tuesday wasn’t kidding: “Nesting geese ahead. For your safety, please do not touch or disturb.” Those who soldiered on were met by hissing, protective Papa Goose on the bridge railing. Mama Goose was sitting on eggs a short distance away. Be careful out there … If it snows in Coeur d’Alene on Monday morning and you’re hangin’ out in Portland, did it really snow? … After the snow accumulation Monday, Jeanne Helstrom of Coeur d’Alene told her Facebook Friends who’d scurried to California, Arizona and other sunny parts for the winter: “Welcome home, snow birds” … Huckleberry Friend Gary Schultze, 50, of Coeur d’Alene, has come to the unsettling realization that he’s a year older than a U.S. Supreme Court justice – the newby, Justice Neil Gorsuch.

Parting Shot

World traveler Matthew Root, of Pullman, had rejected United Airlines, even before that unfortunate passenger was dragged from a Sunday flight in Chicago. Matthew hasn’t flown United for 25 years because (drum roll, please) – he sez the “service is terrible.” Matthew told Huckleberries blog readers: “I flew over 100,000 miles last year – none on United.” Now, here’s a man who knows where the friendly skies actually are.

Dave Oliveria can be reached by email at daveo@spokesman.com. You can also follow his blog, Huckleberries Online (www.spokesman.com/blogs/hbo) or Twitter (@HucksOnline).