Like George W. Bush before him, Donald Trump has run a sports franchise and run a sovereign nation.
Bush was an owner of MLB’s Texas Rangers from 1989 to 1998 and president of the United States from 2001 to 2009. Trump was owner of the U.S. Football League’s New Jersey Generals from 1984 to 1985 and has been president of the United States for 207 days, 3 hours, 47 minutes and 58 fun-filled and frantic seconds.
Results have been mixed.
There are two big differences: Bush never caused an entire professional sports league to dissolve and Bush never tweeted. Of course, Bush was pre-Twitter and Trump is post-apocalyptic Twitter. Heck, Trump ITAL is END ITAL the apocalypse on Twitter; his tweets alone can cause climate change.
Anyway, lost in Trump’s early-morning Twitter storms are his rest-of-the-day sports tweets. He’s got more sporting opinions than Skip Bayless’s spleen.
But his best Twitter missives are the ones he doesn’t send. Couch Slouch has obtained copies of some of POTUS’s finest pre-deleted sports tweets:
While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I still think Anna Kournikova can win Wimbledon one day. #TotalBabe
This Heisman vote is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy anymore!
Time to put end to Dominican pipeline taking American baseball jobs – they’re pouring in, they are bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime.
How do you sign James Harden for $245M??? The dollar has gone to hell!
Nobody knows more about the LPGA than I do. Short skirts + ample cleavage = ad $$$$$. Seeing is believing!
The failing @nytimes doesn’t even carry baseball box scores anymore. Sad!
They say Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wouldn’t be able to get back into USA under my ‘Muslim travel ban.’ It’s his choice. Your move, Lew!
The Bills needed me. I turn losers into winners and Buffalo would be so bigly now.
No Pete Rose in Baseball HOF? This is the single greatest witch hunt of a .303 hitter in U.S. history.
Just toured Shinnecock Hills GC. Looks awful!….I have the best product, I have the best golf courses, I have the best bunkers.
It’s like I always tell my friend Tom Brady: Sue them, sue them, sue them! #GOAT #MyMan
An “extremely credible source” has called my office and told me that Gabby Douglas’s birth certificate is a fraud.
Here’s the problem with @mcuban: He is not @realDonaldTrump. Loser!
I said the BCS was A TOTAL DISASTER before anyone else. CFP is a step forward, but I will have AG look into why Dems have screwed this up too.
Give Tim Tebow a chance – will do tremendous things on and off the field. A winner! #WinnersWin
The Eagles should trade for a QB, but I want to keep the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, where it belongs!!!
Nobody has land like I have land. #PlayTrumpNational
If I had bought the Yankees, George Steinbrenner – great friend of mine, did a great job – would roll over in his grave at how many World Series titles NYC would have.
The NFL image is really tarnished. Too soft! Boring games! Too many flags! Ratings down!
The Nebraska Cornhuskers won the 1997 A.P. national football championship if you deduct the dozens of sportswriters who voted illegally. #FakeNews
Floyd Mayweather Jr. is a total lightweight.
Jim Kelly’s not an NFL hero. How is he a hero? I prefer people who weren’t 0-4 in Super Bowls. Embarrassing!
I’m not even sure Dirk Nowitzki should be in our country. #KeepAmericaAmerican
Serena Williams can hit the heck out of a tennis ball, but I guarantee you she is the girlfriend from hell.
NASCAR FIFA NYRA IAAF USGA FIBA CONCACAF NTRA COVFEFE
Ask The Slouch
Q. Which is more aptly referred to as “Murderers’ Row”, the current Washington Nationals lineup or your list of former wives? (Bruce Shulman; Silver Spring, Md.)
A. None of the Nationals knows how to file a petition for divorce on a Friday afternoon asking for a pendent lite hearing to outline temporary division of assets and debts.
Q. Is it true you are still America’s best sports commentator? (Monty McIntyre; Ravenswood, W.Va.)
A. Is this a rhetorical question?
Q. I agree with your recent column about cruelty to animals. I feel equally abused watching a Major League Baseball game. (Jim Lanctot; Indianapolis)
A. And in South Florida, greyhounds also have to watch Marlins games.
Q. Is it true that the tenure of Cleveland Browns quarterbacks will now be measured in a unit of time known as a “scaramucci”? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
Subscribe to the sports newsletter
Get the day’s top sports headlines and breaking news delivered to your inbox by subscribing here.