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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Reindeer games: The Q and A

Today The Slice presents an exclusive interview with one of Santa’s reindeer.

As always, you won’t believe what he had to say.

(Spokane not being a major market, Santa’s public relations team in charge of parceling out reindeer media availability offered me five minutes with Donner. I took it.)

The Slice: So is it true you guided the Donner Party back in 1846 when they, uh, ran into a spot of bother in the High Sierras?

Donner: That’s fake news. I had nothing to do with that. I thought we were going to talk about Christmas. And your first question is about cannibalism?

The Slice: Never mind. Do you remember stopping at Bing Crosby’s house when he was a kid?

Donner: Sure. His family lived on the North Side, right?

The Slice: Right. So, I hear Rudolph is a piece of work. Ego City. Am I right?

Donner: What’s said in the barn stays in the barn.

The Slice: So your name used to be Dunder or Donder or something?

Donner: Reindeer change their names you know. It’s not unheard of.

The Slice: Does Christmas training camp in the spring conflict with rutting season? Is that when you get your antlers trimmed?

Donner: A gentledeer does not discuss rutting season.

The Slice: What’s Santa like to work for?

Donner: He’s tough but fair. He does not like to be defecated on in flight.

The Slice: Who would? So I have to ask. How do you do it? It just seems like there wouldn’t be enough time to stop at every house.

Donner: Teamwork.

The Slice: Right. So you have been to every residence in Spokane. What’s your impression?

Donner: Now is a good time to sell.

The Slice: What snacks do you like?

Donner: I enjoy a nice rice pudding. Carrots get old. And do the math. That’s a lot of roughage in one night. Say no more.

The Slice: Does it bug you that you are not “The most famous reindeer of all”?

Donner: Not as much as questions about the Donner Party.

The Slice: Thanks for your time. Good luck on Christmas Eve.

Donner: Be good. Remember, he’s watching.

Today’s Slice question: What have you learned about giving over the years?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. What was your favorite Christmas episode of a weekly TV series?

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