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Opinion >  Column

Huckleberries: Seasons admonitions for the grinches among us

Dave Oliveria (Colin Mulvany / The Spokesman-Review)
Dave Oliveria (Colin Mulvany / The Spokesman-Review)

We’ve had Grinches with us since Dr. Seuss introduced us to the small-hearted Green One in October 1957. Every holiday season brings much goodwill. But there are also random acts of meanness that give us pause. During the holidays in 2002, for example, a Hayden Lake father lamented the theft of an 8-foot, inflatable polar bear that was precious to his special-needs child. It wasn’t about the $60 that he paid for the yard decoration, an exasperated father told the Coeur d’Alene Press. The theft by the Christmas killjoy “broke our kid’s heart.” Now, fast-forward to this week. On Monday, Laurie Clark, another Hayden Lake resident, told friends and Huckleberries that some jerk had stolen from her front porch a large, wooden Grinch, crafted by her husband. “Maybe they have children or maybe they need to sell it to buy Christmas presents,” said Laurie, in search of a silver lining. “If not,” she continues, “I hope karma bites them in the (butt).” That, and the thief gets a huge lump of coal for Christmas.

Christmas romance? Yes!

Katrina Wright Swaim, of Coeur d’Alene, can care less what you think about her affection for Christmas romance movies. After viewing “Christmas Inheritance” on Netflix recently, Katrina proclaimed: “They can pry my cheesy Christmas romance movies from my cold, dead, peppermint-smelling hands!” A Facebook Friend of Katrina’s compared Christmas romances to macaroni and cheese. She considers them to be “the comfort food of TV.” All of us could use a little more Hallmark comfort food.

Living’ the dream

Overheard: An employee at the Coeur d’Alene Fred Meyer wasn’t having a Hallmark holiday Saturday. When a customer asked how she was doing, the worker bee responded: “Just livin’ the dream. But it’s someone else’s dream. My dream went out the window.” Wanted: One Christmas miracle on Aisle 4 … Advice from Shirley Stafford Thagard, of Hayden Lake: “If you’re going on I-90, make sure your gas tank is full and your bladder is empty.” This, after she’d experienced bumper-to-bumper traffic, 25 mph, and numerous cars and trucks over the side early Friday PM. You’ve been warned … On Sunday, Ken McAnally, of Coeur d’Alene, informed the children in his ’hood that his sidewalk was clear of snow. If it snowed that night, he cautioned: “I am not going to clean my sidewalk in the morning. I am going skiing, as should you.” Now, there’s a man with his priorities straight.

Huckleberries

Poet’s Corner: Hark the herald angels sing,/ “Buy some more of everything!/ Cash or check or COD/ Christmas lifts the GDP.”/ Harried, all ye shoppers rise,/ charge your bank cards to the skies,/ with economists proclaim:/ “Spending is the Yuletide aim!” – Tom Wobker, the Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” by Charles Wesley 1739, revised, 2003) … Shoplifter at Super 1 foods. Employee called and advised they had a male detained for shoplifting. Employee advised the male selected some deli food and he carried it around the store for a bit and then concealed it inside his pockets passing all points of sale. The male was detained and escorted back inside and cited and released on suspicion of petty theft. Imagine how foolish the suspected shoplifter felt at Post Falls Super 1 on Monday. First, he snagged some food at the deli. Then, he carried it around the store. And finally he concealed the grub in his pockets and headed for the exits. Not only was he nabbed, but he had messy pockets to clean out, too … Councilwoman Kerri Thoreson, of Post Falls, describes her superpower as “Bad Gift Wrapping.” Bad Gift Wrapper Woman says she has perfected the talent over many years … Nothing says “slow down,” according to Aaron Roberts, of Post Falls, “like spinning a 360 in a subdivision.” Bingo … Yesteryear: Twenty-five years ago, in the week leading up to Christmas, we experienced 36 inches of snow in four days. And another storm was on the way. Remember that while you grumble about shoveling this winter’s smaller snowfalls … After describing a “wonderful life” lived by the late Lorraine Moore, 97, of Coeur d’Alene, including her midlife transformation into a Boise media star, a Coeur d’Alene Press obit included this line that would have pleased her: “After her amazing 97 years, she was preceded in death by – everybody!”

Parting shot

Two Daves were talking football after the worship services at a Hayden church Sunday. First Dave: “We (football fans) should get together in the offseason and do something about all those players kneeling during the ‘National Anthem.’ ” Second Dave: “You know we won’t do that, right?” First Dave (checking his cellphone for the Seattle-LA Rams score): “Why?” Second Dave: “Because we’re weak. You need the Seahawks. And I need fantasy football.”

You can contact D.F. “Dave” Oliveria at dfo.northidaho@gmail.com.

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