A critique of summer: Then vs. now

Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with the Crabby Old Spokane Guy Who Thinks Summers Have Gone to Blazes.

As always, you won’t believe what he had to say.

The Slice: So what’s wrong with summers now?

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: I’ll give you an example. When I was a boy, shooting someone with a squirt gun took stealth and a steady hand. Your weapon just fired a tiny stream of water, so you had to be sure about your aim. Today? These kids with their Super Soakers and Master Blasters can just point in your general direction and then douse you with a geyser of water.

The Slice: That sounds like it might be kind of fun.

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: Bah!

The Slice: Well, what else do you not approve of?

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: These kids today don’t learn the real meaning of yard work. Why, when I was their age, I was mowing and watering from dawn to dusk.

The Slice: Oh, really.

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: Darn tootin’. And have you seen what kids with lemonade stands are charging these days? It’s an outrage!

The Slice: But has summer really changed?

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: Sure it has. My friends and I used to run free and have adventures – practically Huck Finn stuff. Today? It’s all planned activities, organized groups and specialty camps. Where’s the fun in that?

The Slice: Well, there have been sweeping societal changes in our whole attitude about children’s free time and safety.

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: And what about playing cowboys and Indians? Is that politically incorrect now? When my brother and I were kids we used to pretend we were in a saloon and toss back shots of apple cider vinegar, which we would make believe was Red Eye.

The Slice: Yikes. Probably would have been easier to actually drink whiskey.

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: No doubt.

The Slice: Anything else?

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: Yes. Have you had a tomato in the last 40 years that tasted like anything?

The Slice: But you can’t really blame that on …

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: And when did ice cream turn into a premium price freak show?

The Slice: Thanks for your time.

Crabby Old Spokane Guy: Get off my lawn.

Today’s Slice question: Are you old enough to remember when D-Day was noted on virtually all calendars?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Back in 1982, in New York state, Linda Murray fully inhaled a June bug.