MISS MANNERS: Chronic ‘mistake-maker’ must also be chronic apologizer

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does etiquette have any guidance for the chronic mistake-maker?

I am 40 years old, and I have spent most of my life losing items seconds after they leave my hands, making wrong turns, forgetting names and being lost for words when polite replies are most needed. These things inconvenience others and cause me embarrassment.

I nearly always apologize when others are affected, but when taking an extra 20 minutes to leave the house because I am still searching for my keys and wallet becomes a daily occurrence, is there a position I can hold in regard to the most frequently affected parties other than that of a constantly apologizing person?

GENTLE READER: Apologizing is etiquette’s way of making mistakes right, but there is no provision for a bulk discount. This is not an oversight. There is no good way to announce your intent to inconvenience your friends and relatives on a daily basis without implying that you have given up trying not to do so. Miss Manners appreciates that you have not made a quasi-medical excuse for what you admit to be mistakes, but you do seem resigned. If you cannot correct the behavior, then an apology is a minor additional commitment of time. The recipient will appreciate the gesture – and also understand if the apology is not extensive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes, when calling on the phone for some kind of customer support, I am connected to a person who can barely speak English, and it is almost impossible to understand what they are trying to say. What would be a good way to request another person to speak to, without being rude? This happens more often than not.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette demands that you make a reasonable effort to be patient with someone who is trying, in good faith, to be understood. But you cannot be expected to read minds. After the second or third request to repeat what was said – and perhaps an apology for your own difficulties in understanding – Miss Manners gives you permission to ask, “Would it be possible to speak with someone else? I’m having some trouble understanding what’s being said.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t have anything against animals. In fact, my husband and I generously support our local humane society. I just don’t want pets in my house.

This seems to offend some of my friends and family members, who take their dogs with them wherever they go. Am I wrong not to want dogs on my furniture, rugs and scratching up my hardwood floors? Please give me some advice as to how to convey my feelings without offending them.

GENTLE READER: However reasonable Miss Manners may agree that it is that uninvited guests not scratch up your floors, it is the contrary opinion of your guests that is causing problems. What you can both agree on is the importance that their pets be protected from harm. Explain with great concern that pet safety is not something you can guarantee in your home as, not being a pet owner, your house cannot be made adequately pet-friendly.