The Slice: What tips would you offer INW newbies?

What advice would you give warm-climate newcomers to the Inland Northwest who have never experienced our sort of winter?

Hey, you live here. That makes you the expert, right?

I’ll provide some categories, just as a general guideline. After I receive your suggestions, I’ll print a few highlights of your wise counsel.

Driving tips: Does it ever actually help to just gun the engine when you’re stuck on a slippery patch?

Besides those from Alaska, Montana, Minnesota, the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and Buffalo, N.Y.: Who should I bow down before when people start talking about winter?

Layering: How many is a guarantee of winter warmth? Three? Twenty?

Weight gain: Can you resist or is it inevitable if you den up within 10 feet of the fridge?

Fireplace: Is it a bad sign if you are choking on particulates in your living room?

Frozen pipes: Does pleading with them help?

Hat hair: Is it sexy?

Old-fashioned snowsuits: Do children enjoy wearing them or would they rather have an MRI?

When you see a kid in a snow fort: Is it required that you stop what you’re doing and yell, “Will you yield?”

The secret to walking on ice: Besides decamping to Yuma, I mean.

Shoveling snow: Vigorous workout or ticket to a coronary? You make the call.

Gloves and footwear: How old do you have to be before you wise up about how to dress in winter and stop worshiping at the altar of fashion?

Re: The kids who stand outside in freezing weather without coats: Try not to gawk. It happens every year.

Application for a marriage license in Spokane County (1955): Male applicants were asked to sign off on this.

“I am not feeble-minded, imbecile, insane, epileptic, a common drunkard, we are not related and I am not afflicted with pulmonary tuberculosis in its advanced stages nor with contagious venereal disease.”

Females had basically the same checklist, but they were not asked about venereal disease.

Yes, it was a different time. I know they had certain standards and definitions. But it seems like that whole feeble-minded/imbecile business could get a bit subjective. And how much did you have to drink to be classified a common drunkard?

Today’s Slice question: If you regularly drive past Manito Park on Grand Boulevard during sledding season, do you have a hard time keeping your eyes on the road?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. One of Ariana Evensen’s tips for surviving the season: “Block the Hallmark channel until Dec. 1.”