The Slice: Seasonally festive absurdity

A friend was on his way to a football game in Missoula on Saturday when he drove by a strip club promoting “Pumpkin Spice Lap Dances.”

Let’s move on.

A qualified feast: Spokane’s Ev Nyholm is one Thanksgiving host who will cheerfully work around the dietary restrictions of her many expected guests (and husband) that are so numerous and varied it almost requires an algebraic equation to express them.

Today’s “When dad was driving” story: Marian Ortiz said her father always smoked in the car. Always. “He didn’t like to use the ashtray, so he would flick his ashes out the driver’s side window. As often as not, they would blow back in onto the four kids crammed into the back seat.”

Marian noted that complaining was not allowed. But at least the experience helped steer the kids clear of an unhealthy habit.

“None of the four of us smoke.”

Slice answers: Susan Johnson and Ed English said dog droppings are what teach you not to jump into a pile of leaves without checking it first.

And in the matter of thinking “I could have played that role” while watching a TV drama, Rick Straub said it occurs to him when seeing an aging, out of shape actor or extra in a certain context. “I often comment to my wife I could play the part of a dead body on one of the numerous ‘CSI’ type shows. She never disagrees.”

Falling off top bunks isn’t just for kids: “I was in Iraq in 2004 and shared a barracks room with nine other soldiers,” wrote Bruce Pemberton, who lives down in Palouse, Washington. “All of us slept with our M-16A1 rifles, unloaded and on safe. I think my weapon had too much room, as I rolled over at some point overnight and fell out of bed, hitting a foot locker on the way down.”

Other than some bruises, he was all right. His bed-hogging rifle continued to sleep soundly.

Yule lactose: Tammy Bassett’s young grandson refers to eggnog as “Christmas milk.”

(Two column items that ran in December of 2009 also mentioned kids who used that expression.)

Today’s Slice question: If one of your barn cats vanishes without a trace, to what do you attribute its disappearance?

A) Coyote. B) Wolf. C) Cougar. D) Owl. E) Bobcat. F) Born under a wandering star. G) Pterodactyl. H) Abducted by space felines from another world. I) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Ever see the northern lights?