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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Families, friends affected by homicide have support: Group meets monthly to share stories, emotions, pain

Linda Carter, facilitator of the Homicide Survivor Support Group which assists victims and witnesses through the criminal justice system, is photographed  Saturday, Nov. 18, 2017, at her home near Cheney. (Tyler Tjomsland / The Spokesman-Review)

After the 1991 murder of her son in Spokane Valley, Jewel Zeihen experienced a range of emotions she still can’t fully describe.

But eventually she found a way to talk about those feelings as part of a membership few can relate to: The Homicide Survivor Support Group in Spokane.

The group started in the 1990s and continued until 2004, when it disbanded for 10 years until being reactivated three years ago. Open to anyone who has lost a loved one to death by violence, the monthly meetings are held at the Shadle Park Library.

Zeihen, who attended for several years during the 1990s, has kept in touch with group members since then, although she currently doesn’t go to meetings because of the distance for her to travel.

“My prayer is that this would never happen to anyone else,” said Zeihen, who lives north of Spokane.

She describes the survivor group’s benefits as those of friendship and support. People who attend are told they don’t have to talk and can just sit and listen. Typically after a time, members feel comfortable enough to share.

“It was probably four or five years I couldn’t talk about it much at all,” Zeihen added. “I thought I was doing OK, but I really wasn’t, looking back.”

Zeihen and her family endured eight years before answers came about her 40-year-old son’s homicide. She said it helped to share with support group members who literally could empathize with her.

“It was being able to talk to and listen to people who had gone through something similar,” she said. “There had been accusations and lies told, which doesn’t help one bit. I could talk about it.”

“Unless people have gone through this, they don’t understand. They think they do, but they don’t.”

The group’s current facilitator, Linda Carter, formerly worked as director of the Victim/Witness Unit of the Spokane County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office. The unit assists victims and witnesses through the criminal justice process, and Carter helped lead the homicide support group starting around 1995.

In 2004, Carter left the unit director work to become juvenile clerk with the Superior Court Clerk’s Office. Around that time, the support group ceased its meetings. Carter, who retired in 2009, was asked in 2014 by former support group members to resume facilitating regular meetings.

“It’s a support group for anyone who has lost a loved one through homicide,” Carter said. “It could be the loss of a relative, a friend, or co-worker, too, to homicide. It could be a loss due to vehicular homicide, a home invasion, or violent crime.”

“It’s so beneficial to people.” Carter added. “You can imagine if you were in their shoes, who would you talk with, and who can really understand? The group has no barriers. We allow cussing, yelling, crying. It’s a support group.”

Parents, victims, friends and others who are affected by homicide go through a traumatic experience with extreme emotional pain, shock and profound sadness, Carter said.

Other common emotions are anger, feeling numb, fear and anxiety. People have those emotions as they face birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. They struggle with them through police and court activities.

Court proceedings and sentencing bring on additional stress, Carter said, because family and friends of the victim might have to address the court with the defendant present. It’s also common for people that after a period of time, family members and friends don’t want to talk much about the homicide, she said. The survivor group would be a place to continue dialogue and express emotions.

The group has about four members currently. Carter is seeking to spread awareness about meetings so others will join. She started a Facebook page to provide information.

“When families get through the trial and the defendant is sentenced, there is a perceived sense of everything will now be okay,” Carter said. However, for immediate survivors, “it will never be over, it’s now just different. Everyone’s loss is different, but by connecting with others in the group, members share some commonalities.”