The Slice: I’ll have to figure out what this person would win

In nominating yourself for the title “Slice Reader of the Year,” several things need to be considered.

First though, let’s dispense with a few factors that are not prerequisites.

To be the Slice Reader of the Year, you need not have ever contacted me. I’m grateful to those who contribute to this column. I enjoy our interactions. But having submitted potential items is not a requirement for this.

And you don’t have to claim to have done heroic deeds or been a humanitarian inspiration in 2017. Or even liked cats.

The person who is Slice Reader of the Year will have done the following:

Snort and roll your eyes about something brutally inane yours truly has written.

Made a sputtering sound and then muttered “Oh, for the love of…” after reading something in the column that struck you as a notch or two below insipid.

Continued to read The Slice every day.

To me, the Slice Reader of the Year is the person who has shown the most persistent faith in the notion that the next column might be better.

Be forewarned. If you are selected, I’ll want to get our picture taken.

So go ahead and make your case. Good luck. I’ll pick someone in a few weeks.

Warm-up question: What local place name would sound best at the end of a story title that starts “A Child’s Christmas in …”?

A) Minnehaha. B) Airway Heights. C) Spirit Lake. D) Spangle. E) West Central. F) Browne’s Addition. G) Peaceful Valley. H) Rathdrum. I) Green Bluff. J) Moran Prairie. K) Cougar Gulch. L) Athol. M) Fairchild Air Force Base. N) People’s Park. O) Other.

Today’s Slice question: If Christmas carolers came to your neighborhood one night, what kind of reception would they probably receive from residents?

A) Fine. B) Most homeowners would first want to know if the performance will be followed by a request for donations. C) The carolers would hear the sound of racking a pump-action shotgun. D) Person inside would crack open the front door and yell “G’wan!” E) “Release the hounds!” F) They would see the porch light being turned off. G) Residents would provide the singers with marshmallowy hot chocolate and hahahahahahaha. Seriously? They’d be singing to a lot of closed doors. H) Some of our neighbors might critique the vocal performances of the singers. “You on the end – you are grotesquely off key.” I) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. The Slice would like to hear from those who played the role of baby Jesus in a Christmas pageant years ago.