Miss Manners: Be direct when planning a friend’s visit

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work from home and live in a city known for vacations. I have a friend who visits every year so that we may attend a yearly sporting event on a particular weekend.

This year, she arrived a few days before the event, and gave no indication of when she planned on leaving. She stayed for a full week after the event (she does not work). This disrupted my work schedule, as she had nothing to do. She tried to be quiet, but sat next to me reading as I tried to work.

Is there a delicate way to inform her that, next year, I would like her visit to be of less duration? I do not want to offend her, as she is an old friend, but an unlimited visit is difficult.

GENTLE READER: Judging from the number of Gentle Readers who are stuck like this, it does not seem to be widely known that it is hosts, not guests, who determine the limits of a visit.

This is best made clear at the time of the invitation: “I’m so glad that you can come for the game weekend. Come Friday, and I hope you can stay until Monday morning.”

Miss Manners knows that it is harder when the guest is already planted there, but it is not impossible: “It’s been wonderful having you here, and I hate to see our little holiday come to an end. But it’s high time I got back to my routine, as I’m sure you must want to get back to yours.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just went to the doctor for an X-ray. As I returned my paperwork to the receptionist, I was stunned to find a glass jar labeled “Tips,” much like one might find in a coffee shop.

Miss Manners, what in the world is this? Is this normal now?

GENTLE READER: Only if you do not make the common mistake of believing that whatever is normal is acceptable. Your doctor can tell you about all kinds of normal human functions that are best not flaunted. Better yet, your lawyer can tell you about normal human impulses that are best stifled.

Greed is normal, Miss Manners acknowledges. But this manifestation of it is unprofessional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a married man is sick in the hospital and an old female friend from high school, whom he hasn’t seen in 40 years and was never romantically involved with, but who has recently gotten back in touch with him via social media, finds out about the hospitalization and sends him a “get well soon” package consisting of a teddy bear with three balloons attached, would that be considered inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: The gentleman is 43 years old, Miss Manners gathers.

And while she is at it, she is guessing that you are the patient’s wife and do not care for this show of attention. It is beyond her powers to imagine why you should object to his receiving good wishes, even in childish form, from an old friend. She cannot help you by declaring this improper.