Norman Chad: The trouble with college sports is that they reflect society

As we deconstruct this ongoing NCAA-underground-economy-take-the-money-honey-uh-oh-here-comes-the-FBI Agentgate, let’s round up the usual suspect suspects.

There are the athletes, exploited pawns in this process, or, as Jalen Rose puts it, victims of “indentured servitude.” Do you really expect 17- and 18-year-olds to say no to, say, $50,000 just because it breaks an NCAA rule that means nothing to them?

There are the agents, who – trying to game the system – wave big dollars in front of vulnerable youth.

There are the coaches, who – trying to game the system – turn a blind eye in the name of more wins and more wealth.

There are the university presidents, who – trying to game the system – lord over this crooked and corrupt pursuit of higher earnings.

And, of course, there is the NCAA; they’re not gaming the system, they are the system. Ah, and what a system it is – a dishonest, disingenuous, dishonorable, unscrupulous, unprincipled, amoral, nefarious, depraved and shady money-grows-on-6-foot-11-trees monopoly.

THE WHOLE ENTERPRISE STINKS, worse than Rick Pitino’s sock closet.

By the way, if you’re wondering why the FBI is involved here – I certainly am; you’ve got to figure the feds have beefier perps on their plate – I guess they’re just filling the void of a vacated NCAA investigations office in which everybody is out to lunch. Then again, Indianapolis is a terrific lunch town.

Here’s the thing: It is not in the NCAA’s interest to penalize anybody any time, because it upsets the rotten apple cart. The best way not to penalize anybody is not to find any wrongdoing. The best way not to find any wrongdoing is not to look.

Nobody is better than the NCAA in looking the other way, or not looking at all.

Incidentally, in rounding up the usual suspect suspects, let us not forget the TV networks and the shoe companies and the rest of us. Yeah, the rest of us, content to overlook the complete evisceration of higher-education standards as long as we get a great game on Saturday.

I hate to keep repeating things that are so, so, so, so obvious, but Sports Nation leaves me with no choice:

These aren’t student-athletes, they are athletes often pretending to be students.

It is an utter perversion of a school’s higher-education charge to be in the business of fronting multimillion-dollar athletic departments for the purpose of cashing in on athletic contests.

Heck, if they’re looking for profitable entertainment options, why don’t universities just start a circus, open up a comedy room or run a gentlemen’s club on-campus? Then they could have student-acrobats, student-comedians and student-strippers on scholarship!

How did we get here?

I believe it was Louis XIV of France who first said, “You are what you eat.”

Sports are so outsized in our culture, we have drifted from fundamental values; this malaise is just a microcosm of a wayward America. Do we have lousy elected leaders? Sure. But our elected leaders do not repulse us as much as they reflect us. Plus, any time the stakes get high, everyone tries to game the system, from attempting to bribe public officials to engaging in insider trading to rigging software at online poker sites.

We have lost our moral compass. It’s as if the GPS guiding our conscience is on the fritz and directing us toward the road to hell; if hell is wired for cable, we don’t even mind.

As always, I must conclude with a thought that, frankly, is also pretty obvious – if everyone just went bowling once or twice a month, we’d all be in a much, much, much better place.

Ask The Slouch

Q. If Dick Vitale and Bill Walton ever shared the telecast of the same basketball game, would the hosting venue have to limit the ticket sales due to a concern for oxygen deprivation? (Lynn Youngblood; Palouse, Wash.)

A. Pay the lady, Shirley.

Q. When March Madness begins, will the players’ and coaches’ lawyers be allowed to sit on the bench with their clients during games? (Hugh Stevenson; Washington, D.C.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Is it true that the president will invite people from Norway to move to America to improve our Olympic medal count? (Peter Xeller; Delmar, N.Y.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Should we expect to see Mark Cuban’s new show, “Tank Shark,” on ABC or ESPN? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

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