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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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Miss Manners: Relatives won’t stop sending real-time vacation pics

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin Andrews McMeel Syndication

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some relatives who enjoy sharing pictures of their travels. Instead of a slideshow after coming home, they text pictures of themselves or what they’re seeing to a group of a half-dozen relatives throughout the trip.

In the last day, I’ve received 10 pictures, along with all the commentary from everyone else in the group thread. I have to admit that a selfie of them on an airplane and several people responding “Aww!” doesn’t particularly interest me, and disrupts my day.

I’m very happy for them that they are enjoying their vacation, but I’d be happier if they enjoyed it on their own. Is there a polite way to ask them not to send me pictures? I’d be willing to sit through a slideshow once they return; it’s the constant texts that I object to.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you do not remember the time when it was a common form of torture to make others sit through home movies. Otherwise normal people, with nothing but goodwill in their hearts, would lure their unsuspecting relatives and friends to a purported social gathering, then dim the lights and make them watch films of their holidays and their children’s birthday parties.

There was no escape. Even dozing off in the dark was difficult, because the films were accompanied by equally soporific narrations to which audience responses were sought:

“Here we are in the main square – honey, do you remember whose statue that is? Help me, someone; he’s one of their national heroes. Anyway, it was festival time, and if it hadn’t been raining you’d be able to see everybody out there celebrating. You really should go there sometime. I forgot – you have a beach house, don’t you? But you should also travel; there’s nothing like seeing different cultures …”

Or, “This is so cute: It’s Teddy’s birthday, so of course he thinks the cake is just for him, but Jenny thinks because she’s older, he needs her help to blow out the candles. But the funny thing is that on HER birthday, which we’ll show you next, he thinks it’s OK for him to help her open her presents! And of course she doesn’t like it any better …”

Surely you do not want that sort of entertainment back. Miss Manners will try to show you that while such barrages of texted pictures annoy you, the method has its advantages:

You don’t have to look at them on the way to the Delete key, because the photographer is not watching you. You don’t have to hit Like, which would hardly be noticeable anyway, among the others on the thread who are admiring one another.

All you have to do is to say, on the travelers’ return, “Seemed like a great trip.” You could have concluded that from the mere volume of the texts, and anyway, no one is going to quiz you on the content.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a church organist. Occasionally, someone will say to me, “You play better than Mr. X.” I consider that a compliment, but to the detriment of Mr. X. How should I respond?

GENTLE READER: “He’s really very good. I’m flattered that you consider me in the same league.” That this does not address what was said is irrelevant, Miss Manners believes.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,

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