Dear Annie: Wife digs for details from ex

Dear Annie: I am currently in my second (and final!) marriage. I was previously married for 15 years. My current wife and former wife are not active friends but have met many times and get along very well. My current wife is inquisitive and tends to get information that she wants from people. She has let me know that my ex-wife told her a great deal about me, including the extent to which she feels I was responsible for the collapse of the marriage. As one might expect, I do not entirely concur with my ex-wife’s account, and as a matter of fact, when my first marriage collapsed, my ex-wife said to me, “This is no one’s fault.” I feel that my current wife has accepted my ex-wife’s version of events and believes it was my fault, and I am left having to defend myself. I wonder what your thoughts are about what I consider a most unusual situation. – Marital Oddity

Dear Marital Oddity: Keep in mind that your wife may be misrepresenting what your ex-wife said. Either way, I have to wonder what your wife’s goal is. Why would she go digging for dirt on your previous marriage? Why would she tell you what your ex said? Why is she so focused on whose “fault” the divorce was? Perhaps this was her passive-aggressive way of bringing up problems in your relationship. I’d recommend asking her about it. See whether there’s anything you two can work through. Counseling might be an option to consider.

If, on the other hand, she was just being nosy and she keeps gossiping with your ex, you might ask her for the phone number of an old boyfriend so you can get the sordid details of their breakup. She would see how the shoe feels on the other foot.