Paul Turner: Do the falling leaves of autumn make you dread the coming of winter?

Here’s a seasonal question that comes with multiple choice answers.

For you, what does the sight of falling leaves bring to mind?

A) Is it too early to start whining about winter?

B) Though Washington is the Evergreen State, it’s not as if we don’t have our share of deciduous trees.

C) It reminds me of how much I dislike poetry.

D) It reminds me of the year a mighty wind blew through Spokane and cleared our yard of leaves before I got around to raking them. Often, when that happens, you just wind up with someone else’s leaves in your yard. But in that magical autumn, our yard gave but somehow did not receive.

E) Each one fluttering to the ground looks to me like another nail in summer’s coffin.

F) I don’t understand. You mean there’s something that happens at this time of year that has nothing to do with the election or sports?

G) It makes me wonder if this will be the year when Inland Northwest motorists drive cautiously on the first morning when we have slick road conditions.

H) It reminds me that my favorite part of Thanksgiving is always the anticipation. Well, that and watching Uncle Bob and Cousin Caitlin drop the gloves at the turkey dinner over politics.

I) It makes me hear the boogeyman music from the movie “Halloween.”

J) The sight of falling leaves makes me feel like I should be stocking up on trick-or-treat candy I won’t eat.

K) It raises a question. Have we scheduled a sprinklers blowout?

L) I hear “Autumn Leaves” sung by Nat King Cole.

M) I hear the happy music from those ancient “Peanuts” specials.

N) I remember the Davy Crockett costume I wore when I was 10 and how the fallen leaves sounded as we marched through unraked yards on Halloween night.

O) It makes me think of the fundamental differences between Spokane residents whose favorite season is summer and those whose favorite season is fall.

P) It reminds me that when driving over smashed pumpkins you should steer into the skid.

Q) It makes me want to den up.

R) It puts me in mind of people who look good in sweaters (now and long ago).

S) It makes me think it won’t be long before I start referencing “It’s a Wonderful Life” by saying “Hee Haw!” and calling people “My old building and loan pal” and saying “And Happy New Year to you – in jail!”

T) The sight reminds you that soon it will be time to revel in your own hardiness by planning to always keep your warmest winter coat in reserve but never actually wear it.

U) It makes you think you ought to call a couple of friends and go kick field goals at a local football field when no one is using it.

V) It makes you want to say “Bring it on” to an acquaintance eager to debate which of you has lived in places with the most gorgeous autumns.

W) You wonder if Santa has someone who does his social media.

X) You wonder when Spokane radio stations are going to start cranking out Christmas music.

Y) You find yourself yearning to grip a football and tell someone to “Go long.”

Z) It makes you want everything you eat to be “Fun size.”

Why I won’t volunteer to rake some reader’s yard

1. Shoulder issues.

2. Laziness.

3. Perhaps this is the year I should pick someone to come rake my yard instead.

4. After a while, reader interactive initiatives that involve rejecting all but one applicant sort of lose their charm.

5. The whole idea of the liberal arts track was to avoid manual labor.

6. I’ve had some delightful experiences doing this in previous years. Why press my luck?

7. I’m not licensed or bonded.

8. On certain issues, I make a poor spokesman for the newspaper.

9. The truth is, I’d really rather just come over and have a beer.

10. I’m supposed to be retired.

End note

So I was at Hart Field on 37th Avenue Sunday morning. I thought an avian performance of “West Side Story” was about to erupt.

A bunch of crows and an approximately equal number of gulls strutted around as if they were the Jets and Sharks.

I watched, but nobody pulled out a switchblade. Still, some of the great songs from that show planted themselves in my head for the rest of the day.

Have you ever seen Spokane bird gangs face off?

Contact the writer at srpaulturner@gmail.com