Dear Annie: His girls come first

Dear Annie: I’ve been dating a gentle, kind and loving man for a while. He goes to church, constantly reads his Bible and plays Christian music. We get along great. We have conversations for hours, and we laugh and cry together. But the problem is that he is so close to his three grown daughters, especially his youngest, that I feel completely left out at times.

For instance, we recently went out to dinner, and his youngest daughter happened to come into the restaurant. We had not been dating long at that point, and I was used to him looking at me as we sat across from each other. She came in and sat down beside him, and that was the end of our date. He turned in his chair to face her and talked and smiled at her the whole time. His smile was bigger than I had ever seen. It was almost like watching a schoolboy with his new girl. But they had just had lunch together the day before. They have lunch together at least three times a week. He was ignoring me so much, with his attention centered only on her, that it was extremely awkward.

Father’s Day came about a month later. It was also my birthday. We discussed doing something together for my birthday and then having dessert with my parents so I could see my dad for a bit. His daughters decided to cook lunch for him at noon, which was fine with me, as we could still be at my parents’ place by 3 or 4 in the afternoon for dessert and my birthday cake. When we were with his daughters, the time kept passing, and nothing was said. I finally asked him when we would be going. He told me that no woman would interfere with his relationship with his daughters and that he was not going to tell them that he had plans. I reminded him that we had made an agreement to see my parents. His only response was that his girls will always come first. I also told him they are old enough to understand that we have to share him. He still refused.

Is this a red flag, or am I being selfish? His daughters are 22, 38 and 40. I forgot to mention that the youngest daughter left after an hour to spend time with her mom and stepdad and her boyfriend and his dad. – Are Red Flags Flying High?

Dear Red Flags: It sounds as if you two are ships sailing in completely different directions. You began your letter by saying that you are in a relationship with a gentle, kind and loving man, but your stories about him show that his gentle, kind and loving side is reserved for his daughters, especially the youngest, even if it is at your expense. Seeing as he clearly stated that his girls come first and you don’t like that – understandably – it is probably time to move on.