Dear Annie: The care behind the card

Dear Annie: Frequently, we read letters from your readers who are mystified about the fact that when they send a card or a package carefully wrapped and mailed, the recipient does not even think about the fact that love played a major role in this. We often send cards with money and a note of love to young family members. No reply! Not that we want the receiver to feel obligated; we just want to know that in their busy days they thought of us for at least 15 minutes while they opened what was sent. Hopefully, after reading the note, they would make a quick phone call or send an email. This is not too much to ask of someone who has been shown love, care, time and the encouragement to tackle the world. No, that is not too much to ask. Life is short. Don’t waste time thinking, “Gee, I wish I would have called sooner!” – Concerned Grandparents

Dear Concerned Grandparents: I’m printing your letter because I appreciate the sentiment: Material gifts from family members aren’t about the monetary value but about the thought. And they should be received in kind: with thoughtfulness.

However, I do have to note that the phone line goes both ways: Don’t hesitate to pick up the phone and call your grandkids.

Dear Annie: When our family was dealing through the illnesses and deaths of my parents, there was tension because everyone wanted to do things differently and hold to their own ideas. A counselor I saw a few times to help with my stress suggested that all my statements should focus on “we.” For example, “Are we sure that moving mom at this time is the right course of action?”

It worked! I was including my siblings in the conversations and inadvertently opening up my mind to listen to their ideas. – Cheryl M.

Dear Cheryl: It’s wonderful to hear how this tried-and-true “we” technique is not only a way of encouraging others to hear you but also a way of encouraging yourself to hear others. Thanks for sharing.