Miss Manners: Hosts should not specify how gifts are wrapped

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to enclose a little note with a baby shower invitation asking that guests wrap gifts in clear paper – or go green and not wrap them at all?

GENTLE READER: Wouldn’t it be easier to skip the middle man and just grab the presents out of your guests’ hands as soon as they are purchased?

Miss Manners is not impervious to saving the environment, just dismayed at the utter lack of mystery – and completely transactional nature – the art of present-giving has become. Not wrapping the gift gives the effect that it just fell off the truck – and clear wrap serves no real purpose either way; it’s just lazy. Surely there are recyclable materials that your guests could use, but that is not yours to suggest. Reusing or recycling the paper whenever possible is the best, most polite recourse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman living at home with my parents due to health issues, and am unemployed. It is common for new acquaintances to ask me, “What do you do?”

While I do not mind sharing some of this information if the person seems receptive, generally speaking, it seems inappropriate to mention medical woes to a perfect stranger, who is most likely just making polite conversation. And if I am meeting many new people at a party, it feels especially awkward to have mentioned to everyone in the room that I am not well.

However, simply saying some version of, “I’m unemployed and I live with my parents” (no matter how graciously I try to word it) often leads to awkward pauses or even winds the conversation down to its demise, as they often appear unsure how to respond. Turning the question back to them only works if we have not already covered them.

Am I missing a better way to answer the question and put the inquirer at ease, without accidentally stepping into TMI territory?

GENTLE READER: Yes, because Miss Manners notices that you are interpreting “doing” as meaning only paid employment. If you reply something like, “I am tackling Proust at the moment, and I find the theme of involuntary memory to be fascinating …,” you will be off and running. Or they will be. ** ** **

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve always been told that a guest shouldn’t wear a white dress to a wedding so you don’t look like you’re trying to compete with the bride, and you shouldn’t wear a red dress so you don’t look like you’re trying to take attention away from the bride.

Do these rules still apply when the wedding is between two gentlemen?

GENTLE READER: Do you really want to be the one to explain to Great Aunt Anastasia that you are not the bride? Or, for that matter, to the bridegrooms that you are not seeking attention? Best to stick to convention. Miss Manners reminds you that it is the purpose of having a wedding in the first place.