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Thursday, July 18, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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Miss Manners: Tempt lands in salary/friendship quagmire

By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin Andrews McMeel Syndication

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend got me a job at the company where she works – a temp job for a few months’ time. It was a real help for me, and I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.

My friend is acting as my boss, and she is generally very nice. However, she told me that although she is my boss, I make more than her, and she feels pretty bad about it. I told her I was shocked to hear that and that they should pay her more, but I didn’t know what else to say.

Now I’m feeling terribly guilty and have an impulse to send her money, but I’m afraid if I did, it would be a passive-aggressive move. Is there anything else that can be done? I will be out of here soon anyway, and unemployed again.

GENTLE READER: Well, that should make her feel better.

There are so many things that are exceedingly wrong here and all for different reasons: that a temp would get paid more than a boss; that your friend would think it necessary to mention that to you; that you would feel that any of this is your fault – and especially that you would think it your responsibility to send her money to make up for it.

Miss Manners finds the last one more confusing than passive-aggressive. Your best course would be to be supportive of your friend: either in her asking for a raise – or helping her to find a better job.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This afternoon, my spouse asked me to text our new roommate the location of the thermostat so he could turn on the air conditioner while we were out. I tried to, but accidentally sent the text to a completely different person (the dog groomer). I sent another text to her explaining the previous text should be ignored, and sent the original text on to the intended recipient.

But this got me wondering: Is there a specific etiquette rule on what to do if a message is sent to the wrong person? This text was innocuous, but I sometimes send racier texts to my spouse. What if one of those went astray?

GENTLE READER: This, it seems to Miss Manners, is an excellent argument for not sending saucy texts. But far be it from her to intrude on anyone’s fun. If a wayward text is sent to the local hedge pruner instead of its intended recipient, a simple apology and redirect is all that is necessary. Convincing your spouse that the mistake was innocent, however, might be a bit more complicated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are you required to invite the grandparents of the bride and groom to the rehearsal dinner?

GENTLE READER: What would be the advantage of not doing so? Surely, excluding them in favor of your Color Palette Specialist and Cousin’s Ex-Girlfriend’s Roommate Who Also DJs will not be worth the family tension that will likely ensue.

Unless, however, Nana and Pop-Pop are given to voicing loud opinions on controversial subjects – or your marital union. In that case, Miss Manners gives you permission to limit the dinner to only those standing up in, or essential to, the ceremony itself – however you choose to define that.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com.

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