I love answering questions. I especially like answering questions live on the air. I’m sure my radio career of more than two decades has thrived because you, the listeners and readers, are trying to put yourself in my shoes wondering, “How is he going to answer this one?”
I get asked what’s the most unusual question I ever got. That’s hard to say, but when I was asked why some frozen veggies sparked in the microwave, I was flustered. Turns out it was probably the aluminum chips in the packaging that created the light show.
Recently, I was on live TV answering questions when I got a rather provocative one: “Hey, doc, how can I make my penis larger?”
Now, we do have a screener who asks the listener what they want to ask. I know this question wasn’t the one the listener originally posed, but so as not to shrink from my responsibilities, I knew I had to answer him. And I had to answer him live – on live TV with the producer, the TV hosts and scores of other people looking on.
I thought instantly to myself, now think this through. Don’t be flummoxed. Easy does it. I realized there really was a hidden meaning in this question. You probably already know what it is: “Can I make my erect penis larger, firmer or last longer, etc.?” So for this, we must turn to science.
Interesting how Victorian we can be about this. We’re more likely to discuss poop and vomit than we are to discuss sex. The Swedish are quite different. They look upon this as a biological process in the same way we might discuss how much we went to the bathroom during our colonoscopy prep. In my mother’s time, poop was as taboo as sex talk. In fact, in Wisconsin, we often say bathroom instead of toilet as it’s more ‘polite.’ Not one to shrink from my responsibility I knew I had to rise to the occasion. The answer was – The penis you were born with is the penis you have, like every other organ. It’s determined by “mom” – that is, Mother Nature.
An erect penis is a slightly different animal. It varies with stimulation, love and 50 shades of desire. Drugs such as Viagra and Cialis, along with the proper stimulation, can allow your penis to reach its ultimate age-appropriate potential but the size is still limited by your genetics.
For most men, an erect penis at age 80 is generally not the same as an erect penis at 18. The tumescence is just not as robust. Just like our skin sags, so does our penis. As guys get older, that organ needs more stimulation, and that erection doesn’t last nearly as long. It moves from rock ‘n’ roll to more of a waltz.
I’m a voracious reader – whatever grabs my attention from my newsfeeds at the moment is what my eyeballs focus on. I was looking at a Las Vegas newspaper column written by a male porn star who said he couldn’t work anymore. It wasn’t just because he was no longer as handsome but because the organ of note wasn’t as “woody.” It was not as rigid, not as large and he couldn’t orgasm as often as he used to – several times a day shrunk and shrunk. This guy went from being a porn star to driving an Uber. I rather doubt he had an Individual Retirement Account.
My spin: The advice I have for the guy who asked the question, if he’s reading, is that the most important organ when it comes to sex is above the shoulders. And in that universe, size doesn’t matter. Stay well.
Dr. Zorba Paster is a family physician and host of the public radio program “ZorbaPaster on Your Health.” He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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